THINK LIKE MAXWELL

NEW PRODUCT REVIEW: KRAFT "FRESH TAKE"

2012-02-13T05:37:00.000-08:00

I popped into Meijer for a "fill in" grocery trip. You know not a full blown stock up grocery run but more of a "pick up a few things" trip. These trips sometimes get me in trouble. With good intentions I get what's on the list and then my eyes start to wandering. The researcher in me starts looking for new products and packaging.

I'm always drawn to cheese so I notice new things in this section. This time I ran across the new Kraft product called, "Fresh Take." At first glance I thought, "Tricky Kraft marketers, this is just a refrigerated version of your old product Shake-N-Bake." Upon further review there were about 6 different versions of this product. Each had two different coating ingredients for your center plate protein (chicken, pork, fish, beef, etc.). The cheese was the part that required refrigeration. The product was $2.99. We covered chicken tenders with the Cheddar, Jack, & Bacon and baked it for 30 minutes. They had me at BACON. How can you go wrong with bacon and cheese? The product didn't disappoint. It didn't require much work and it put a nice twist on chicken. We're always looking for easy ways to make healthier fast dinners. Fresh Take is 100 calories for 1/6 of the package. We spread the mix across 12 chicken tenders so it added about 50 calories to each tender. It was worth the calories.

It was basically a more premium version of Shake-N-Bake. After I put "Fresh Take" in my cart I had to see if they still made Shake-N-Bake. They do and it was a little cheaper at $2.55. I guess that makes sense since there isn't real cheese in the old product. Take a look for yourself. Look up. Look left. Pretty similar huh?

Maybe this will be a new type of blog post for me...new product reviews.

ADULTS IN MID-30'S ON EXTREME TRAMPOLINES...

2012-02-12T18:27:00.000-08:00

Today I cashed in on my birthday present from Molly, the experience of jumping on Extreme Trampolines. These places are relatively new. I guess they are the 2012 version of Chucky Cheese or Skateland. I became aware of them via Groupon and once I say the giant trampolines I had to try it once. I am somewhat of a thrill seeker and love new experiences.

The Oak Park Boyz, Natty Light, MooMoo, and I signed up for an hour which was $11. We were going to sign up for 2 hours because you get a discounted 2nd hour but we were glad we didn't. After one hour we were wiped out.

When we walked into the place we were the oldest "jumpers" for sure. The kids looked at us as if the "big kids" were rolling in. The rest of adults in the joint were parents who sitting around reading, playing on their smart phones, or talking to other parents while their kids jumped. You can just dump your kids and run at this place. A few parents were jumping with their younger kids but we were the only adults who came to jump without kids.

As we put our extra clothes, coats, and cell phones in a locker we were a bit nervous. Each of us has at least once "trick joint." You know the joint that does weird things on a occasion, one that you somewhat protect. You know if you take a blow the wrong way that's the joint that's gonna give. We took a lap of the place to see all our options. There were three main trampoline areas: 1) the Dodgeball area, 2) The Foam Pit area, and 3) the general trampoline area.

We spent the majority of the time in the general trampoline jumping area. You could do a lot in this area and there weren't lines. At first the trampoline area looks like Animal House- jumping crazy kids everywhere. Once you start jumping you see it's organized chaos. Kids are remarkably good at establishing little rules in the midst of chaos. AKA no one got hurt. :) At first we were mostly jumping as high as we could. Then we started watching the kids and imitating what they were doing. They thought of some cool tricks especially using the side wall trampolines. They would come over to us and ask, "can you do this?" Molly and Chad found themselves in "trick wars" as they dueled kids with dares to try tricks.

Here's another link to all of us jumping: Extreme Trampoline 2

We spent a fair amount of time in the Foam Pit too. You wait your turn, jump on two trampolines, and then do a trick into the foam pit. I have to admit the first trick I was wondering just how hard or soft the foam pit would be. I watched all the kids jumping into it without a care in the world and wondered if the Pit would be so kind to me. I did my signature move that I've done off the diving board hundred of times. It was fun to do it again but off a trampoline. Here are the video links for the foam pit dives:

Heather's First dive.

Molly's foam pit dive

Chad and Heather's foam pit dive

Lastly, we played dodgeball. This was a lot of fun because of course the smaller kids want to get the big kids out first. Well this big kid wasn't going down. I did have a small Billy Madison "O'Doyle Rules" moment. However I must report that I was the last kid standing. That's right- get back in line and try again.

When I go on these physical adventures I have a lot more worries than I use to. I have more thoughts about a body part spontaneously giving way. Friends of mine have recently ruptured their Achilles, broken their ankles, things like that.There's a lot more riding on my physical well-being these days...things like a mortgage, car payments, etc. However, the kid in me still gives me the confidence to go out and try things. So now I get it. As a parent you get to do all these silly things in the name of "being a good a parent." Maybe there's hope for me yet. :)

I have to say I am proud of our crew today. I don't know what age I will look at activities and start to say to myself, "I'm too old to do that." I hope it's not anytime soon. Maybe working out will keep the "I'm too old" feelings out of my head. There was something magically refreshing about taking an hour to just play. Playing with no purpose other than just to have fun. We don't do this enough as adults. You know that sweaty feeling around the ring of your collar because you were rough-housing...just magical. Here's to more PLAY in 2012.

SKATES & TILE FLOORS DON'T MIX

2012-02-10T09:50:00.001-08:00

We played Michigan State's club hockey team a couple weekends ago. Played 4 games over that weekend: 2 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday. That many games in 2 days is brutal.

What made it even worse was right before I walked out of the locker room for the first game I filled up my water bottle and stepped on the tile floor with my skates on. Notice the photo to the left. Instead of stepping over onto the mat in front of the sink I stepped right on those pretty little tiles. #fail

Playing against women 10+ years younger than you with more skill is difficult enough. Trust me I didn't need the additional disadvantage of having no edge on my right skate...my dominant stopping and steering skate. Yeah, talented players can use either skate relatively equally but not this cat. :-)

To pile more on, many of Molly's family members and friends came to watch my first game. Lovely. Actually it was really sweet of them to come to the game. I felt bad for them. I'm sure they weren't planning on seeing "Bambi on Ice." #fail

Molly found a place to fix my skate and we got them ready for Sunday's games. What a world of difference! I guess it just shows you must keep your edge. Pun intended.

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY: TOOLBOX

2012-02-10T05:41:00.000-08:00

This Christmas I received a Craftsman Toolbox from my dad. A couple weeks ago he delivered the toolbox assembled and this week I completed the job by putting mesh tray liners in each drawer. (Yes, my dad provided those too. I just needed to cut the pieces and install. :) For those of you who know me you know this isn't strange at all. Others of you may be wondering why a 34 year old woman would want a toolbox.

This isn't just a toolbox. This is a Craftsman.

For as long as I can remember by dad has always had any tool required to fix just about anything and he always pulled these magical tools from his red Craftsman toolbox. And if he didn't have the tool, which was rare, we would go buy the tool so we could complete the current job and be ready for future jobs.

I said "we" because I was my dad's Vanna White (ok, not that pretty but you ge tthe point) of fix-it projects. He analyzed what was going on with the fix-it situation and then requested a tool. It was my job to run from the fix-it scene and retreive the correct tool. There was a lot of pressure. I had to listen to him tell me what tool was needed, identify the correct tool in the toolbox, and get then get the right size. Why? Because coming back with the right tool prompted the nod of "job well done." Bringing the wrong tool elicited a deep sigh, a look off into the sky, a very confused look, or anger given this (read sarcastically) high-stakes fixing situation. Either way I was determined to bring back the right tool!

Working with him on so many projects gave me the confidence to fix a lot of things in our home. I rarely feel overwhlemed by those types of projects. Normally I call my dad and he explains what I need to do. Of course, I triangulate his experiences with all the info on the internet- I am a researcher. He always has a few tips and tricks that no one has put on the web. A little dad "added-value." I like the satisfaction of assembling things or breaking things down to fix them and build them back up. It's therapeutic when my to do list at work is ongoing and never-ending. I like being handy. I like solving problems

My toolbox also makes me think of my Grandpa Maxwell and Papa. They were both handy and loved their gadgets and gizmos. This is probably why I had my dad "sign" the back of his toolbox gift with his engraver pen. Nostalgia runs deep.

DON'T LIKE TO COOK BUT IMMA "SHOW COOK"

2012-02-09T05:30:00.000-08:00

During the week Molly cooks most dinners. It's our current set-up. Since she's a full-time student and I'm working full-time this routine works for us. She makes delicious, healthy creations and I love it! We have a rotation of things that we tend to eat and then she puts different twists on them. A lot of her meal twists are inspired by the TV show "Chopped!" which has turned into a strong additiction.

I tend to cook more on the weekends. I like waking up and cooking breakfast, making a quick lunch, and then maybe pulling together a better, bigger dinner. It seems a cooking behavior has been observed by Molly...turns out I like to cook when we have company... some might call this a "Show Cook." You know cooking when people will notice, appreciate, and oooh-and-ah over the meal versus the everyday meals.

There are parts of this that may in fact be true but any real researcher would also call out four confounding variables to Molly's conclusion.

Guests tend to visit on the weekend and coincidently this is when I have more time to cook.
I am really trying to let Molly enjoy our guests so I take on the cooking. It's a win-win.
I absolutely love big breakfasts and there is only time to make big breakfasts on the weekend.
I appreciate Molly's dinners so really she is a "Show Cook" for me every night. P.S. There are more weekdays than days during the weekend, so REALLY WHO'S THE SHOW COOK?!?

FINE there are parts to the whole "Show Cook" thing that ring true.

I admit it.

I like to get the "easy wow"...you know put forth little effort but make something super tasty or unique looking. That's why I'm a sucker for recipes from Pillsbury like the "mummy dogs." Easy recipes that turn something rather mundane into something memorable.

Here's my latest creation I got from a Hunt's cookbook:

I have rebranded them "Heather's Lasgana Flowers."

Basically boil lasagna noodles for about 6 minutes.

Lay the noodles on the counter.

Layer onto each noodle any cooked filling items you like (Feta, browned turkey meat, cooked spinach, etc.)

Roll up the noodle

Place the rolled noodles curly edge up in a 9X13 sauce pan filled with your favorite tomato/pasta sauce recipe (or jarred sauce)

Cook for 30-35 minutes at 350 degrees.

YUMMY!!!!!!

MASTER BATHROOM MELTDOWN

2012-02-08T07:55:00.000-08:00

We have lived in our house for 18 months. The night we took ownership we lost our minds in the master bathroom. This master bath needs some help. There are so many things going on in this bathroom I don't know where to start.

First, we couldn't stand the peeling layers of wall paper so we spontaneously started ripping it off the wall the night we took the keys. We ddin't discuss it. We didn't even look at each other when it started. We just simultaneously started ripping it off the wall with our bare hands. Underneath those hideous layers of wall paper was blue drywall. The blue drywall has remained for the past 18 months.

Why would we leave it like this for so long you might ask.

Did we love the blueness?

Did we love the random bit of remaining wall paper?

Was it the glue texture?

Perhaps we were indecisive about what we wanted to do with the bathroom?

Nope, none of the above.

At the end of the summer when we were getting ready to remodel the air conditioner broke. Yep, it was right after all those 100 degree days. She was 23 years old and decided enough was enough. She quit. When the decision is between a functioning air conditioner or remodelling a functioning bathroom it's a no-brainer. We got a new air conditioner and furnace. Bye-bye bathroom remodel money. *sigh*

So now we are finally ready to remodel this 1970's gem of a DIY nightmare. Yes I said DIY nightmare...the owners before us did some special DIY work. For instance, they put the linoleum seam right down the middle of the bathroom. Special. Next there is a lot of creative uses of caulk in this bathroom in all the wrong places. The 70's light bar above the vanity provides a nice glow that makes everyone look jaundice.

Ok, I can't talk about it anymore. The sad but maybe funny thing is we have gotten so used to this bathroom that we forget it looks like a 70's demolition DIY zone until people visit. Then we are instantly aware. Sorry to all the people who have visited our house and were subjected to this room.We're working on it. :)

We will take before and after photos. The work won't start and finish until March but we're looking at proposals now and IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!

I guess that's the funny thing about houses, they are always a work in progress. Just like us really. And if you don't think you're a work in progress then I don't know what to tell you.

BAD HABITS FORM SLOWLY...

2012-02-06T19:03:00.000-08:00

Accountability and Discipline are traits

I deeply respect.

Let's be sure you and I are working with the same definition of accountability before I type or you read any further. According to Merriam Webster, accountability is "an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions."

Maybe I am too steeped in "pull yourself up by the boot straps" rhetoric, you know falling too hard for the allure of the American Dream, but I believe in setting goals and aligning my behavior to reach those goals. I don't believe in hoping, wishing. and leaving my goals to chance. Do I believe luck is an element in a lot of situations? Yes, for sure! I also have found I am the "luckiest" when I have worked the hardest. ;-)

I also understand people are born into disadvantaged and privileged situations that influence their lives...but this doesn't mean their destinies are pre-determined. If this were the case, why would you even live your life?

It seems like we often live our lives on auto-pilot and fail to set goals. Taking on the "whatever happens happens" approach and then complaining about what you don't have or who you've become. Where is the accountability?

We tend to form bad habits slowly over time, they're rarely formed overnight. For example, we don't gain lots of weight overnight. It takes 3,500 extra calories, more than your body requires, to gain one pound. Re-read that sentence and let it sink in. So you eat a little extra, drink a little more, workout a little less, get a little older and voila you have gained extra weight. It creeps up on you. You don't wake up one morning with a beer belly, a big booty, or thunder thighs. You made small daily choices that added up to tighter fitting pants, chub rub, and love handles. It was you. You made choices.

The same applies to managing your finances and retirement savings. An easy bad habit is to live paycheck to paycheck or worse yet spending little by little on a credit card until the balance looks insurmountable. It's much more difficult to make and live within a budget and save a portion of your income. It takes planning and discipline. The rewards are delayed but the future financial freedom is worth it. I have read stories about people of all annual incomes saving remarkable amounts of money. I admire and seek to emulate them.

Relationships require purposeful action too. You're either getting closer or moving apart. Relationships need nourishment to grow. If you put a relationship on auto-pilot you can easily drift apart from special someone. Plan the time to grow closer. Make sure you carve out time to listen to one another and spend time sharing space. It's amazing.

You must focus on what you want, map out the steps, and have the discipline to take the steps. You won't always take steps toward your goal. You'll veer off the path sometimes but the point is to recognize you're off the path and course correct. We only have so much time on this earth. Make sure you spend your time with the ones you love working toward what you want.

P.S. Sometimes once you've recognized a bad habit and you course correct, the best thing you can do is commit yourself to putting newly formed good habits on auto-pilot. For example, 1) whenever you get a raise putting that extra money toward retirement without ever seeing your paycheck increase. You never had it so you'll never miss it, 2) working out at least 5 days a week, and 3) brushing your teeth every night before bed. See sometimes they are big habits and sometimes they are small but they all can make your life better. :)

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2012-02-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, stop curling up your face because of my toes. I realize they look gnarly but remember I'm still in hockey season so there's no reason to get a pedi until after season. Hockey skates are not friends with pedicures.

Molly and I have been tracking our calories and working out about 5-7 times a week for the past 3 weeks. During this time I've lost about 5.5lbs. This morning I decided to take a pic of the scale. It makes me happy to see progress. :)

Also, if you look at the graph below I have about a year of weigh-in data. Notice the trend overall has been decreasing weight; however, there are periods that are heavier than others. Notice at the August 28th mark right before our wedding I was my lightest. After this date I was still working out but not as regularly and I wasn't really watching what I was eating. Thank goodness I only gained 6 pounds. Considering the lack of management it could have been a lot worse!

For whatever reason I can sense when I've gained 5 lbs. As it creeps up I don't notice it as much but when it hits 5 lbs. clothes just don't feel right and I jiggle more than normal on bumpy roads. My overall goal is 145-147 lbs but I only set that goal so I have a specific number to focus on. Overall I am focusing on understanding how many calories my body needs vs. wants. It's been an interesting experience of self awareness and will power.

TOP 11 LIFE LESSONS FROM HOCKEY

2012-02-02T14:06:00.000-08:00

Pass long. Don't pass to someone short. Meaning let them keep their momentum and run down your pass rather than make them stop and go backwards.
When you're winning the game, play a little more defensive minded. Remember whoever has the most points on the board when the buzzer sounds wins. (period). If you're up a couple goals it's all about settling in playing a little more conservatively. Your focus is on not allowing the other team to catch you. This doesn't mean you aren't trying to score. It just means you're making smart scoring attempts without opening yourself up to being scored on. If you're not winning, start taking risks! Play conservatively isn't going to get you ahead. Change up your game plan and shake up your opponent. Doing the same things and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
You need the right equipment. I have shown up to a hockey game without my stick. #fail. Last weekend I lost the edges on my right skate because I stepped on concrete in my skates. #fail. Bottom line is you need the right equipment to compete.
Take away someone's space and time and they make mistakes. It's not always about stealing the puck from your opponent. You can wreck havoc on their game plan by pressuring them. This pressure takes away the space they have to pass the puck and the time they have to make a good decision. (Thanks Coach Scott!)
Work in short bursts. You can't work in long shifts and expect great output. Work hard in short bursts, take a break, and then work another short burst. In hockey a shift is typically 30-45seconds. If you can last longer than that you aren't working hard enough. If you get caught out on the ice and you're gassed the likelihood of getting scored on goes up.
Stay hyrdated. Your body is mostly water so be sure you're continuously re-fueling with more water. When you're dehydrated you aren't at your best.
Sometimes you need a 2 minute time-out. When you get a penalty in hockey you have to sit in the penalty box for 1:30 and your team must play short-handed. When your behavior isn't optimal and you go to the penalty box you are really penalizing your team. They must play four on five. Think about your words and actions before hurting your team.
Playing smart is just as important as playing hard. Hockey is all about spacing. I need to be in the right places at the right times for scoring plays and defensive schemes to work. If I'm skating like a maniac all over the ice it isn't necessarily productive since I'm not covering my spot and my teammates don't know where I'm going.
Jump the wall. There will always be barriers to trying something new or participating. You just have to jump over that barrier and get started!
A goal off a rebound counts the same as a top shelf goal. You might not be the initial one shooting but being in position could lead to you/the team scoring off the rebound. They both count for one goal. Be ready even if you don't have the puck.
Everybody needs a little more cow bell. When hockey goals are scored you often will hear cow bells in the stands. Celebrate accomplishments big and small. You can celebrate big and small things in big and small ways. Either way just celebrate. We could all use a little more cow bell in our lives!

RUNNING IN 46 DEGREES IN JANUARY IN THE MIDWEST

2012-01-30T18:54:00.000-08:00

Today is January 30, 2012. Tonight I ran 3 miles outside at 6:00PM and it was 46 degrees. Please re-read that sentence. I know someday I will re-read this blog post (yes, it will be a day when I really bored or nostalgic) and I will be shocked at the weather report.

Please notice in the photo to the left that I ran in shorts and one long sleeve t-shirt. No gloves were present. Yes, I wore an ear warmer. I'm weird. I have wee little ears but I can't stand for them to be cold. Hot=fine. Cold=no, not ok.

We played Michigan State's club hockey team this past weekend. 4 games in 2 days. Back-to-back games each day against some young punk whipper snappers who were all at least 13 years younger than me. Holy sh!t. I just re-read that sentence....thir-teen.years.youn-ger.than me.holy.sh!t.

I'm telling you about all the hockey games because that's a lot of games in 48 hours. I was expecting to take Monday off from working out since I was certain I would be sore and not so motivated to move the body. Many of my teammates' Facebook statuses today reported they were having trouble moving and all their muscles were sore. My hip flexors were sore from all that skating and my shoulders were sore from throwing elbows but I felt a lot better than expected so I decided to push through a run.

I do not understand the human body. After that long weekend of hockey I ran the fastest three miles I've run in a while. My legs felt like they were fast turning pinwheels. Each mile I got faster and faster. My lungs felt open and free. It was amazing. I may still be on a runner's high right now. I've been using a running app called Endomondo (thanks for the reco Natty Light). See below, it tracks your splits while you run and shows you your slowest split (turtle) and your fastest split (rabbit). To my friends who were Olympic Trials qualifiers (*cough, cough* Dueringer) these splits are not fast; HOWEVER, since I train more for short bursts and not long distances these splits are pretty good for me now. :)

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2012-01-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

This past weekend a few of my teammates and I travelled up to Minneapolis to participate in the U.S. Pond Hockey Championships on Lake Nokomis. Despite living in MPLS for 5 years I never participated in this tourney. Let's face it by the end of January I was WAY OVER the freezing cold weather and didn't want to spend more time outside than necessary. Now that I live near Chicago there are many things I miss about MPLS. However the weather is not one of them.

Our tourney team, the Checkahoes, participated in the Rink Rat division therefore we played three games against all-male teams. Did I mention we're an all-female team? In pond hockey the "goalie" is the wood box you see in the photo. There are holes on the edges of the front of the box and this is where you score. No one can hover around the goal to be pretend goalie.

I like this photo because it was from the 3rd game when we were actually competitive. I scored a goal and I was very happy. I love the hockey glove high five from Tina too. You can see them in the photo but a couple of my Minneapolis hockey friends came to watch this game. It was so great to see them and I couldn't believe they would stand out in the freezing cold on a Sunday to watch my team. I felt pretty special.

This photo also makes think about all the great parts of this trip to Minneapolis: Snowboarding all day Friday at Afton Alps, jumping off the boxes repeatedly, taking the team to the 5-8 Club for Jucy Lucy burgers, karaoking at the Vegas Lounge, sun ray tattoo face lady at Vegas, watching the Blue Diamonds play (my old team), sharing a few brews with my old teammates at Tracy's, eating at True Thai and Punch Pizza, playing hockey in 5 degree weather on Saturday, and renting a house on Lake Nokomis with 8 other women.

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2012-01-20T08:30:00.000-08:00

To the left is a photo of the US Pond Hockey Championships in Minneapolis, MN on Lake Nokomis. There are 25 pond rinks! Members of our various Rampage teams have formed one team to compete this weekend. We rented a house right on Lake Nokomis! Super fun when the entire team can rent a house. Forget hotels.

Currently it's 3 degrees.

Yes, there is a warming tent with multiple bars within. I'm not kidding this event isn't for amateurs. Very professional. There are people here from all over the country. Very cool.

Our division games start tomorrow so today we are off to snowboard at Afton Alps. I try to board at least once a season so this little adventure will provide a fix for awhile.

This is the way to spend a Friday away from work. No responsibility and lots of kid-style fun...pond hockey and snowboarding. Kinda feels like playing hookie and somehow vacation days where it feels like hookie feel more rewarding than typical vacation days.

MY FIRST CONCERT- YOU CAN'T TOP IT

2012-01-17T19:25:00.000-08:00

My first live music concert was Vanilla Ice opening for MC Hammer. I was in middle school and thought I was the sh!t because I got to go. I mean it was a BIG DEAL. If you weren't going you obviously were not cool.
It gets better...who did I go with? My mom and one of her friends (Pam? Vanessa? I can't remember.) Mom, Don't get me wrong I appreciated the opportunity and who else was I going to go with I was little but it is kinda embarassing. Oh yeah, that was me a sweet 11 year old rocking out with women in their 30's which seemed really old back then. But now that I am 34 *cough, cough* is a really great age, no where near old!

Maybe it was experiencing this concert at a young age or maybe it's because my mom and dad have always been into music but I LOVE CONCERTS. There is one caveat. I must be REALLY CLOSE TO THE STAGE. I must have fantastic tickets. I am a ticket snob. It's true. I won't deny it. Why sit in the nose bleed seats when VH1 has "storyteller" shows with better views from my couch? If I'm going live I'm going all the way. Doing it up.

I'm crafty in how I get tickets. I have a lot of great friends who happen to have a lot of great friends. Call it the Network. But I admit I am OK with paying for priveledge. I'm not into waiting in line for great GA seats. Nope. I want to pay, arrive when I want, and know my fantastic seats are waiting for me. Oh and sometimes I secretley hope someone is camped in my seat so I can kick them out. What an a$$ huh?

I started thinking about all the live concerts I have attended. You can tell phases, decades, people you were dating, where you living, etc. by this list. So here's my list in no particular order, mostly because I can't make chronological timelines to save my a$$.

CONCERT LIST

1. Kenny Chesney (3)

2. Brandi Carlisle (2)

3. Keith Urban

4. Sarah McLachlan

5. Journey

6. Def Leopard

7. MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice

8. Dixie Chicks

9. Jodee Messina

10. John Mayer

11. Guster

12. Matt Nathanson

13. Hootie and the Blowfish (2)

14. Red Hot Chilli Peppers

15. Smashing Pumpkins

16. U2 (2)

17. Lilith Fair (2)

18. Gin Blossoms

19. Sugarland (3)

20. Celine Dion (2)

21. REO Speedwagion (2)

22. 38 Special

23. Dave Matthews Band (2)

24. Jason Mraz (2)

25. John Legend

26. Lady Antebellum (Country Fest)

27. Miranda Lambert (Country Fest)

28. The Script

Here's a little wishful thinking for future concerts:
Want to see:

1. Pink

2. Sara Evans

3. Carrie Underwood

4. Beyonce

5. Matt White Band

6. Adele

7. Alicia Keys

8. Lady GaGa

9. Drake

Here's a little time machine wish list:

Wish I had seen in their prime:

1. Neil Diamond

2. Stevie Nicks

3. Daryl Hall & John Oates

4. Journey

5. Michael Jackson

6. Stevie Wonder

So what was your first concert? Dare to share????

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW FAR I'VE COME

2012-01-16T06:11:00.000-08:00

I found this blog post in my "drafts folder" and I wasn't sure why I didn't post it back closer to the the wedding. As I read this post I realized it's applicable as we recognize Martin Luther King Jr. today.
While MLK's fight created much social change it has been maintained because laws were made to provide equal treatment to African Americans. Whites didn't want to give up "their freedoms" to Blacks. African Americans had to fight for them just as gays are fighting for their rights now. We can debate all day whether people are born gay or not and how African Americans fighting for their civil rights was different because they were born black and that's clear to see. The point is a gay person having rights doesn't take away from your rights. Also, African Americans were viewed with such disdain they were alledgley provided "separate but equal" accomodations...we know how that turned out...not so equal, huh? While much has changed in the US concerning race relations we have much work to do. How do I know? Because I am thankful I wasn't born black. I still see unequal treatment, blatant and subtle. Like when Saturday night I was talking to an older man in the stands at Molly's basketball game and he was talking normal volume and then he lowered his voice when he asked, "isn't that team mostly black girls?" Why did their skin color matter and why did he lower his voice? We both know why. I can only hope that in decades to come we don't look back on this time period of discimination toward gays in the same way I embarrassingly look back at how African Americans were treated. I leave you with one of my favorite MLK quotes and the blog post I never posted. Remember, everyone has a journey, everyone is growing, and don't assume your journey is worth anymore than anyone elses. You don't walk in their shoes.

Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Blog Draft"
Planning a same-sex wedding has been easy for the most part. We chose a city that is gay friendly so all the wedding vendors have been helpful. The decisions that really only involve MooMoo and I have been easy. We have similar tastes so we're not bridging giant differences. However, a lot of interesting conversations arise when you start to nail down the specifics of the day especially specifics that include others and traditions.

Just the presence of two brides instead of a bride and groom at the ceremony starts to confuse people. All of a sudden people aren't sure what to expect as if the overall concept of two people committing themselves to one other completely changes because it's two women. It doesn't folks. But then since we aren't a bride and groom it gives us some license to not "follow the script" as planned at most weddings we've attended over the years. We can but we don't have to because people don't know what to expect. People look to us for the all answers to their "gay wedding" questions. Why can't it simply be a wedding? Why does it need to be called a "gay wedding?" I didn't have a "gay lunch" yesterday. Also, we don't have all the answers. Trust me. We've had a lot of discussions about how to have the wedding we want without people being disappointed or upset because we veered away from a traditional wedding activity or order of events. It's not easy.

We'll continue to have conversations probably up until the very day of the event. When people are struggling with whether they can attend and it's not related to logistics, budget, etc. a phrase is often shared, "I just don't think I can do it but you don't know how far I've come."

Part of me wants to be happy and appreciative of these peoples' journeys from having some level of discomfort with gay people to somewhat comfortable now. I want to be supportive of their progress and acceptance of "me and people like me."

Another part of me holds my breath, counts to 10, and then screams at the top of my lungs into an imaginary pillow, "HOW FAR YOU'VE COME??????????????"

Then I launch into this monologue in my head that gets better, more fine tuned, each time I hear them say those words. It goes something like this:

How far you've come? Yeah I bet it's been really tough knowing someone you like/love and finding out they were gay. I bet it was hard to decide if you were going to love/like them the same as you always have or if you would change and treat them differently. You know what's really tough, not knowing if your friends and family will be there for you on the day you never thought you would have. I never really let my mind or heart ever dream about getting married because I wanted to be with a woman and hey, women don't marry women, right? I married a guy in the past because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. I knew people would approve of that wedding and show up for that event. The people who thought/think that wedding to a man was more "real" than our upcoming wedding couldn't be more wrong. That was a charade but sometimes people want to believe in charades more than they want to love who you really are.

I guess I just don't understand how far one has to go to love and support their family member or friend when it comes to his/her wedding day. I thought it would be easy to be happy for someone who has found the one they want to spend the rest of their life with. Through the wedding planning I have a much better understanding of what unconditional love and support is. I know what it looks like and I know how it feels. It's amazing and people surprise me daily. The flip-side is I know what wavering love and support looks like too. It makes you doubt a lot of past certainties, but ultimately it strengthens me.

However, if you want to talk about how far people have come, get in line.
I can't believe how far I've come...

WHAT'S THE MUSIC ON THE iPHONE LATELY?

2012-01-14T15:35:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I like to look at the last 15 songs I've purchased on iTunes. It's like a music time capsule of what I was interested in at the time. When I read back over these types of posts they make me laugh. Lately I've been into Sara Evans and flipping back and forth between country and R&B. I like to call it well rounded others may call is eclectic. :)

Here are the last 15 songs from oldest to most recent:

Dirt Road Anthen- Jason Aldean
Without You- Keith Urban
Long Hot Summer- Keith Urban
You Are The Best Thing- Ray LaMontagne
Motivation (featuring Kil Wayne)- Kelly Rowland
My Heart Can't Tell You No- Sara Evans
Red Solo Cup- Toby Keith
I Don't Want This Night To End- Luke Bryan
Sexy and I Know It- LMFAO
All Your Life- The Band Perry
God Gave Me You- Blake Shelton
It Girl- Jason Derulo
Headlines- Drake
Take Care (featuring Rihanna)- Drake
Alone With You- Jake Owen

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2012-01-13T07:52:00.001-08:00

This was the view outside my work window on Thursday. It was the first real snow of the 2011-2012 winter season. I love the first REAL snow. People lose their effing minds. Adults start acting like they get "snow days" like their kids do. People who take the train start thinking they need to leave work early. Um, people taking the train are probably least impacted by the weather! People who live 15 minutes from work feel like they need to leave work early too so they can get home safely. It's hilarious!

Don't get me started on peoples' driving. Look it snows every winter but people forget how to drive in the snow! We can get 2 inches and I'll see people in the ditch. *sigh* Take caution people, leave extra distance between yourself and the car in front of you, take turns a little slower...see it's not that difficult.

In short, I love the chaos that a good snowstorm brings. A few inches of snow mixes up our routines and I love it. Routine driving becomes an adventure, we start talking about the weather even more-betting for or against the weather people, a routine pee/poop occasion for the dogs turns into crazytown time, snowboarding becomes a possibility, and hot cocoa topped with Redi Wip becomes a must. mmmmm.

Enjoy the snow everyone but drive with care. :)

ROSA LIKES TO WATCH PAIN

2012-01-11T17:31:00.000-08:00

Today Molly and I started back up on Insanity workouts. I know starting on Wednesday seems weird but when you're starting a workout routine or diet the day you start is really arbitrary. I really don't think my fat cells know if it's Monday or Wednesday. Either day they are fighting the good fight to keep riding on this human train!

These workouts are not for the faint of heart. About 3 minutes in I want to kill Shaun T the leader of the workouts but it is a great workout. I've never sweated so much in my life. Blah, blah blah, I went on and on about this workout when we were working out for the wedding this summer. The workout does work. I did see results in strength, cardio, and inches lost.

This time around I am not only focusing on working out but I am paying more attention to what I'm eating. My brother showed me this app called myfitnesspal that has made life so much easier. I never kept a "food journal" for more than a 3-4 days in the past because you had to input so much data.

Seriously if I wanted to input data I

would have been an analyst. With myfitnesspal you can take a photo of the bar code with your smartphone and it automatically inputs the calories you consumed. That's right. No more inputting things or searching for products. It's pretty eye-opening how few calories I really need each day and how many calories I can easily throw down. *sigh*

Molly and I have noticed a few things when we go in the basement to complete out Insanity workout:

1. Rosa always hoists herself up onto the love seat to watch the pain. She's like clockwork. She goes to the same spot for the same view. She can see Shaun T yell at us and Molly and I dying. She sometimes lets out inopportune deep sighs as if she's done anything and she's bored. The photo to the left is Rosa in her spot, our view.

2. Sammy likes to join in the post workout stretching. You might say he's more of a celebratory kinda guy. He sleeps through the whole workout and then slinks off the couch and stretches with us. He Army crawls all over the floor and gets a few downward dog stretches in there too.

BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR LITTLE RUST PITS

2012-01-10T17:32:00.000-08:00

Look I'm not a pro hockey player by any means. I am in my 4th or 5th year playing women's rec hockey and I would like to think that I am getting better little my little. (I can't remember how many years I played in MN but I'm in my 2nd season in Chicago.) Skating is a key skill for every hockey player. I'm no Sidney Crosby but also I'm not a horrible skater.

During our last practice my skates felt like they had mini-snow chains on them...Like they were frosted with kitty litter... Like they were wrapped in coarse sand paper...Like there were little weighted sand bags draped along my blades like strings of heavy Christmas lights.
I would push off to skate and I felt like I could feel every piece of the blade dragging along the ice instead of pushing and cleanly gliding. At first I thought I was just rusty. It had been a couple weeks since I last laced up the skates due to the holidays but then I remembered my blades felt this way for a couple games before this practice. I survived the practice and took a look at my blades. There were tiny rust marks along the blade. Doh!

I took the blades to Total Hockey and they took one look at them and asked me if I was letting my skates dry out after playing. Of course the answer was "no" since I have been leaving my gear in the car. Everyone collectively say ewwwwwwww, I know. He told me to dry off my blades after playing (which I always do) and bring them into the house to air out (which I never do). Next he sharpened the "rust pits" out of my blades.

I skated with these rustless blades for the first time this past Sunday night. Wow, what a difference. It was so much easier to push off and actually travel distance on the ice without feeling like I was skating on gravel. I was able to turn a lot sharper too. As I was warming up for the game against Northwestern's club team (we smoked them) I was thinking about the symbolism. I know, I know...I'm not sure why these thoughts come to me when I should be thinking about the game but they do.

The resistance I was feeling from a few rust pits wasn't a huge deal but it was adding up as more and more pits formed. Funtionally, I could skate with them but it was a whole lot easier to skate without them. The rust pits were like the friction created by negative thoughts and people. They are just baggage that weigh you down and make it harder for you to achieve your goals. You might not notice the affects of a couple negative thoughts or negative people early on but they add up! Soon you are overwhelmed with negativity and can only see barriers. You might even lose sight of your hopes and dreams. Once you cut the negativity loose your progress will be much easier. You will be able to glide toward your goals with a lot less friction, literally and figuratively.

It's a new year, and while I don't necessarily believe in New Year resolutions, I do believe in setting goals. Make a goal to be on the look out for little rust pits in your "blades." Life is too short to be held back by yourself or anyone else.

DON'T GET LUXURY HATCHBACKS

2012-01-08T07:49:00.001-08:00

Can someone please help me? Every time I see a hatchback made by Lexus, BMW, or Mercedes I am so confused. Why do people by these cars? Why do they spend so much money on a luxury car to basically turn it into a Subaru when they add the hatchback. Seems like a big waste of money. Maybe that's my issue- when I think of hatchbacks I only think of a Subaru Outback which is not luxury to me. When I think of a BMW, Lexus, or Mercedes I think of mostly a sedan from the BMW 500 series. A hatchback on the caboose of this car seems like it ruins the whole effect of that beautiful car.

I understand the benefits of a hatchback. That's why I have a SUV. You can put larger items in the back of your vehicle. The disconnect for me is spending all that money on a nice car to ruin it with a hatchback. You've taken a sweet car and made it frumpy. That's it! The hatchback makes it look frumpy. A hatchback on the back of a BMW is like putting a mullet on a BMW!!! I got it! It's all business in the front and party in the back. I don't like it.

Or maybe it's just a mashed up car of your previous life and your current life. Maybe the front represents when you didn't have kids and the hatchback represents your life post kids. You want the nice look of a sporty sedan in the front but you need the realistic, functional hatchback. Hmm, now that's deep.

If you have a luxury hatchback please let me know why you bought this vehicle. I think I am missing something.

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2012-01-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

This pic of Sammy was taken during Christmas at my Dad and Linda's house. Linda made Molly this great Michigan blanket. As soon as Molly held up the blanket to show all of us Sammy ran over and sat on the blanket. We were all laughing at him so he ran away. As he was running away I knew I had missed a perfect photo moment.

I called Sammy back to the blanket to try to capture the moment. Sure enough he ran right back to the blanket and let me take this pic.

Seriously, could he be any cuter? How about the tilted head and the lean to the side? The blanket looks like a backdrop for a real photo shoot but it's really just Molly holding up her Christmas present.

This pic is au naturale. My family is probably happy that I didn't dress him up in a costume. :)

1/8/2012- Wow, I just realized I posted this on Thursday. Yep, that's how long the short work week after the holidays was...I thought Thursday was Friday. Felt like I had already worked the whole week y Thursday. Here's to a more "normal" week next week.

HATE DON'T DISCRIMINATE

2012-01-04T19:00:00.000-08:00

Every election my life and rights are thrown around in every single piece of media. I get to read how because I am in a committed same-sex relationship I am: destroying the sanctity of marriage, hated by God, destroying the family foundation, selfish, perverse, not worthy of civil rights, and really the list goes on and on.

I get to wait and see if people are going to vote to allow me to have the same rights they enjoy. This shouldn't surprise me, the United States has a long list of withholding rights from individuals. African Americans were slaves. Women couldn't vote or own property. Gays don't have the right to marry or have civil unions in most states. Don't be confused. I love the USA. I love all her good sides and her warts. I'm just waiting for equality.

I'm not hung up on the word or concept of marriage. I don't care if I can "marry" or have a civil union with Molly. All I want is the RIGHT to see her in the hospital is she gets in an accident, to pass on my death benefits, to not have to pay for her health/dental/vision insurance after-tax, to file federal taxes together, etc. Simple rights that have nothing to do with religious beliefs.

I believe religion should stay in the churches, one's home, and in how one lives his/her daily life. Religion should not be written into the govenment. Discrimination shouldn't be written into govenment documents either. This great country was founded on Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness and that was for every American. There were no asterisks that said not African Americans, not women, not gays.

I'm not sure why there has to be so much hate and discimination. I could tolerate people hating me as long as I had my rights. It's not like racism is gone but at least all races in the US have equal rights. Hate me all you want but please stop discriminating.

Here are a few images from Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. that I have collected. They might make you think differently, if only for a second.

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2011-12-30T06:46:00.001-08:00

We had a great Christmas vacation spending time in Grand Rapids but on Christmas Day I had to take Molly to the airport to fly to VA for her last intensive class. She was gone a week. That was horrible...spending so much time together for multiple days and then having her gone for 6 days. Ugh. We both have a countdown until she returns! I think the dogs have their own countdown too. The house isn't the same without her. I'm definitely not the same without her.

So today I got to pick her up tonight. When we got home we had our Christmas. This photo is the best view I've had all week! This photo captures Molly opening "the last gift." "The last gift" is the gift you hide somewhere in the house and when the person thinks they have opened all their gifts you surprise them with one more. Maybe this is a Maxwell family tradition. I remember as a kid opening my gifts and then if I didn't get that one gift I was hoping for the pouty lip would start to come out slowly, I'd get a little quiet, and start looking around for "the last gift." My parents always found entertainment in this game and now it seems I do too. Molly's last gift was the Shark 2 in 1 Vac then Steam. She has been talking about it for a year so she was pretty excited which made me really excited!

On another note, I've included the Worst Pic of the Week below. I'm not going to make a habit of posting the Worst Pic of the Week. I'll do it only when warranted. We'll see how that goes. The story behind this pic: Rosa broke into the food bag last night. By broke into I mean, I filled her food storage container but there was some food left in the bag that wouldn't fit so I put the bag by the container. I went on a run and when I got back Rosa had eaten most of the food left in the bag. Sooooo today was Shita-Puka-palooza. Oh yeah, she's been puking since 11:30am today. Yeah, Natty Light and I went to lunch and came back to the remanants of 5 puke piles. I say remnants because Rosa puked and Sammy ate all the food kibble from the piles. DIS-GUST-TING! Later she puked a few more chunky lakes under our bed and by the dresser. Not pleasant. You would think the girl would be laying around on her side but no, this dog is still begging for food and doesn't understand why she isn't being fed.

WAKING UP HAPPY

2011-12-29T11:18:00.000-08:00

I wake up happy. Seriously almost every morning I wake up in a good mood for no real reason. It's not like I enjoy waking up early for work. I would much rather hit snooze and leisurely get out of bed on my own timeline. I don't even drink coffee. It's just a natural positive morning disposition.

Here's my morning routine:

Wake up to my iPhone alarm playing soothing spa music- "Sleep Cycle" app. Love it.

Hit snooze one time and think about my day before it goes off again

Slip on the PJs

Let the dogs outside and feed them

Eat some toast and yogurt while watching the Today Show

and then the party begins...Connect my iPhone to the speakers to start the dance party in the bathroom

Sing in the shower

Sing while blow drying hair

Sing while putting on make-up

Sing while getting dressed

Sing while packing my lunch

Kiss Molly good-bye

Drive into work singing to the iPhone still

And voila- my day at work begins

iPhone music back on while I check my email and calendar

Music is a big part of my morning routine. I love how you can ease into the day with some slower tunes and progress into some serious dance music. Love it.

I think I have my mom to credit with modeling positive morning behavior. When Chad and I were little she would get ready for work really early in the morning. I think she had to be at work by 5AM. This meant she got ready for work and took us to our dad's house each school day before 5AM. Then we'd go back to sleep and my mom would drive into work. We'd later get up, get ready for school, and my dad would drive us to school. That's crazy early! I can't believe we did this routine for years before Chad and I were able to ride the bus to school together. It never dawned on me that we had a rather unique morning routine.

In the mornings, despite the early hour my mom would always be happy and listening to music in the bathroom when getting ready and in the car. Getting up early was just part of her routine and no big deal. I guess this is why I don't get grouchy morning people. Really does anyone like to wake up early for work or school? Why be grouchy about it? Does being grouchy help them deal with the day? I'm sure the mere presence of me being happy in the morning is annoying. I've heard that before. To me, it's more annoying to walk on egg shells around "grouchy morning people" so get over yourselves, Oscar the Grouches.

Embrace the morning friends! Be thankful that you have another morning to enjoy.
P.S. I'm going to really enjoy tomorrow morning because I am on VACATION. :)

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2011-12-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

I was looking in the basement trying to find empty boxes to wrap Christmas gifts and I found the perfect box. Of course when I looked in the box it was full of random stuff. One random thing I found was this really old Nextel phone. I think it's from the late 90's.

It was high tech at the time but wow does it look outdated now! Remember the annoying walkie talkie function? Who thought that was a good idea? I never used that feature.

Anyhoo, finding this phone was like looking through a time capsule. It brought back fond memories of working at Notre Dame, South Bend, and the late 90's early 2000's in general. It makes me realize how far technology has come...how much more we can fit into a tiny phone. I can't believe all that I can do with my iphone! I was lost without it when I dropped it in a puddle.

No matter how much more we can fit into a tiny piece of technology I have to remember there are still only 24 hours in a day. My challenge is to be super efficient with the working hours of the day and be strategic about 1) what I spend my time on and 2) how much effort/perfection is needed (80/20 rule). I also need to be strategic about my play time and family time. My goal is be engaged wherever I am with whoever I'm with. It's counterproductive to always wish you're somewhere else, doing something else, or with someone else. You can wish away your life this way. Be engaged.

See, all this thinking was sparked by just stumbling across an old Nextel phone. :)

DELAYED UNDERSTANDING (IT'S NOT DEEP THINKING)

2011-12-18T10:34:00.000-08:00

There are some things that when you see them you just don't get it. It doesn't click as to what it means or what it is. Two embrassing examples:

1. I was 24 years old and starting my second year at Notre Dame when I finally realized what "ETA" stood for on our travel itineraries. Yes, friends for about 5 years (4 basketball years during college and 1 year traveling at ND) I thought EAT was commonly mispelled. To be clear but not really in my defense we did arrive and then eat a lot. :-) W.O.W.

2. This little contraption to the left (see image) was a hotel mystery to me for many years. I would always see them in my hotel rooms when traveling across the country but I never knew their purpose. Then I stayed at a friend's house and they had one. Enough was enough. What is this metallic mystery? They informed me it was for holding your suitcase. Aaaahhhhhh, genius. Where was a I putting my suitcase before? Naturally on the floor but this luggage holder makes life a whole lot easier. Now I'm pretty pumped to get one for our guest room. It seems like such a fancy ammenity for your guests....now that I know its purpose...2 years ago. ;-)

ROTATIONS ALLOW FOR PAUSE

2011-12-17T06:08:00.000-08:00

In Corporate America, every few years we rotate jobs. This often translates to the same core job/duties but for a different product, brand, etc. For the last couple years I have been the Consumer Insight support for Slim Jim, DAVID Seeds, Snack Pack, and Swiss Miss Cocoa but this week I am rotating on to Hunt's. That's right I will be working with all things tomatoes. While it's bitter sweet to leave my old teams I am excited to learn new businesses. Who knows it might even inspire me to cook more! I have definitely consumed more Slim Jims, jerky, pudding, and hot cocoa in the past 2 years! (I never really got into the sunflower seeds=too much work for little reward.)
You might be thinking, "tomatoes so what, there aren't that many tomatoes." Oh my friend you would be sadly mistaken. A lot has been going on in the tomato world. Turns out tomatoes are sold diced, crushed, and stewed and in a many flavors! Who knew?!? My favorite is the Diced tomatoes with spicy red pepper. There are also purees, pastes, sauces and don't forget Hunt's ketchup with no high fructose corn syrup. Ok, as you can tell I am on information overload but if you can't get enough tomatoes check out the Hunt's website for recipe ideas here.

Really this blog isn't about tomatoes. Well tomatoes weren't supposed to be the focus. It was during this week of transition from my old brands to my new brand that I started reflecting on what rotations do, good and bad.

1. GRATITUDE.Rotations allow people to express gratitude. We work hard often checking the boxes and making timelines without telling people enough how much we've learned from them and how much we've enjoyed working with them. With rotations there are always "moving on Happy Hours" where we tend to share gratitude for each other. Rotations are kind of like the holidays in that way...we say things we've felt and appreciated all year but never made the time to say. It's rewarding to know people enjoyed working with and you will be missed.

2. HUMILITY. When you're on a brand for awhile your competency is sky high. You are the consumer expert for that brand/category. You start to feel like a real know-it-all. It feels good to master something and be able to share your knowledge with others. Then you rotate and you don't know anything. It's like Chutes and Ladders and you're back to let's say square 19. You still have all your base research skills but now you have to get up to speed on a whole new world. Oh and everyone expects you to be the resident expert within 3 days! :) It's humbling to sit in meetings all day and have no idea what people are talking about because you are still trying to catch up to the years of prior research learnings as fast as you can. Answer enough questions with, "I wrote that down as a follow-up and I'll get back to you." and your humility meter is in overdrive. Let's just level here, when someone says "I'll get back to you" it's the equivalent of saying "I don't know." It's just that no one wants to say "I don't know" in big meetings.

3. REJUVENATION. Getting a change of scenary- new business issues, new people to work with, new products and categories, etc- rejuvenates my spirit. I will be learning something about tomatoes and ketchup for probably the next 2-3 years. Each day (for at least the first year) will be new. That's exciting. It's fun to read all the reports from old research. It's like a giant CSI show on what has Hunt's been doing and not doing. You start to put the pieces together to tell the story. In the end you put enough pieces together and work with your cross functional partners to move the business forward. It's also rewarding to use your experiences working at other companies and on other brands to move your current business forward. I love cross polinating learning. What can I say I am back to the land of "what ifs" and I like it there. It's a world of possibilities.

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2011-12-16T12:28:00.000-08:00

Those are my feet. I know they aren't pretty. I don't think any one's feet are pretty.

Lay off my feet. These feet have run many miles and played a lot of hockey. I abuse my feet. Yes my toes are really that long. I like to call them finger toes. I can pick things up with my toes and even pinch you. Be careful. I think if my toes were "normal length" that I would lose at least one shoe size. Instead I wear a 10 women's/8.5 men's. This doesn't seem that big until you find out I only stand about 5'9"

This pic makes me laugh because I purposely left on the toe nail polish from our wedding on 9-4-2011 to see how long it would stay on my toe nails. It's now 12-16-2011 and there is polish only on 5 of my 10 toes. I know my big toes look like wolf toes. They look tore up but I don't get pedicures during hockey season. What's the point? My skates destroy my toenails and create serious calluses. I take care of my feet in the summer since they make more public appearances. :)

FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY

2011-12-09T07:38:00.001-08:00

Since I have an Iphone I take a lot of photos. Some posed, a lot of observations, and mostly random. So many of these photos are never shared via Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram so I thought I would start posting my favorite pic of the week with a short story explaining the pic.

The photo for the first edition of FAVORITE PIC FRIDAY is this photo of Surdyk's. This week I attended the last focus groups for my current brands in Minneapolis, MN. while in MPLS I seized the opportunity to visit my old neighbordhood in Northeast MPLS (Nordeast). I love this neighborhood. It's so close to downtown with all the charm of a smally city downtown. Simply delightful.

Surdyk's in a liquor and cheese store that anchors the neighborhood. It's not your run of the mill liquor store. It's rather upscale with an amazing variety of beer, wine, and liquor...not to mention the cheeses. mmmm. They've added a new sign to the building and I think it's perfect. Fits the old school style.

Surdyk's is just one of the many places I love in NE such as Bibelot, Lund's, Bone Adventure, and Punch Pizza. I just can't say enough about this neighborhood. I did spend 5 years of my life there. I even looked at the bus stop where I froze my a$$ off waiting to go to grad school fondly on my return visit. :)

SAVED BY SPRAY TANNING

2011-11-29T16:41:00.000-08:00

In the craziness of our wedding in September, I forgot to share this story. Sooooo on the day we were packing up the car with all the wedding stuff and driving to Saugatuck for the big event the last thing we had to do in Naperville was get our spray tans. I am naturally pasty white and Molly had a mad farmer tan from doing yard work so we decided to even out our skin color. As we are pulling away from the house we close the garage door and we're about 100m away from the driveway and I hear a LOUD SLAM in the distance. I didn't even turn around and look. I looked right at Molly and said, "that was our garage door. It just slammed to the ground and broke."

Sure enough we pull back into the driveway and the garage door wouldn't open. The giant tension spring that helps the garage door open had snapped. Since it's an insulated door there was no opening it. We got back into the car and drove to our spray tan appointments. On the drive I called, who else, but my dad. I told him what happened and the first thing he said was, "You can replace that. You can do it. You just have to replace the unit and a few other pieces. Most of the hardwork has already been done." It's a pretty cool thing when your dad tells you that you can do something mechanical. He tallked me through it and I was about 65% sure I could do it. Unfortunately the timing of all this was less than ideal since we were leaving for the wedding in about 5 hours. Minor detail. To get by while we were out of town, we slid the locks into place so no one could attempt to open the garage. We could fix this when we got back after the wedding.

Molly and I laughed at how lucky we were that the garage door broke with our car outside of the garage. Had it been stuck in the garage we would have been seriously delayed because there was no opening that garage door. Despite my dad telling us that we couldn't lift the door without the tension spring we tried and it didn't budge.

When we returned from spray tanning we backed the car into the driveway and loaded it. Who would have thought a spray tanning appointment would have saved the day. Well it may have saved your eyesight as well. I was bordering on translucent.

When we returned home after our staycation honeymoon in downtown Chicago we bought a new garage door opener at Lowe's and installed it ourselves. Take a gander at the oldest garage door opener still operating above. Yes that Automatic Doorman was so old they don't even make parts anymore. Old.As.Hell. We replaced it with a Chamberlain "Whispedrive." It took us about 6 hours to take down the old unit and install the new unit. We could do it in half the time now. Don't misinterpret that as us volunteering to put up your next garage door opener. :) I suppose we could have called someone to install the unit but there is something rewarding about reading how to install something and then doing it. There is a sense of accomplishment that you don't get very often. When was the last time you learned a new skill?

The Whisper Drive is rocking still. Here's to tackling challenges and learning new skills.

35 IS HALFWAY BETWEEN 20 and 50

2011-11-28T16:31:00.000-08:00

I just celebrated my 34th birthday on 11.24. Yes, I still celebrate my birthday. I hope I never become one of those cynical people who doesn't like to celebrate another trip around the sun. We all get older so why not celebrate it instead of fighting it? Overall it was a great birthday until I heard this, "You're one birthday away from 35 and you know what that means...at 35 you're halfway between 20 and 50 years old."

I'm not a mathematical whiz; however, I am very good at counting. I understand how getting older works. I get that no one is getting younger but really who says that shit to someone around their birthday?!?! 20 sounds young and 50 sounds old. I realize 50 isn't old but seriously compared to 20 it seems old. Think about all the life changes one experiences between 20 and 50! I started thinking about all I still want to accomplish before I am 50 and started.freaking.out. Then I started thinking I probably only have 35-40 more years to live period. My grandparents didn't live that far into their 70's and none of them lived into their 80's.

People, I need to get crackin'!

THANKSGIVING BIRTHDAY | ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

2011-11-24T07:23:00.000-08:00

Today at 6:24AM 34 years ago I was born. Yes, I was born on Thanksgiving Day. Every so many years my birthday falls on Thanksgiving Day again. I like to call these "Golden Birthdays." On my Golden Birthdays I am guaranteed the day off from work and my chances of seeing friends and family on that day increases. Score!

Leading up to this Thanksgiving Birthday I have been even more reflective on all that I am grateful. It started with a Brene Brown quote, "comparison is the thief of happiness." I can say that I am sincerely filled with an attitude of gratitude. This is not an exhaustive list of all the things that I am thankful for but it is a broad "big picture" representation.

1. PEOPLE WHO LOVE AND/OR TEACH ME. I am so thankful for the friends, family, co-workers, classmates, lovers, teammates, and pets who have loved me unconditionally. Sometimes the best love and support you ever provided was tough love. So many people in my life have taught me so much, sometimes by what they do and sometimes by what they don't do. They say love makes the world go round but I think it's really love makes it worth going around. Most of all I am thankful for Molly. She has shown me how wonderful life can be and how strong the adhesive of true love can be. Molly, "I'm stuck on you...stuck like glue. You and me baby we're stuck like glue."

2. MY JOB. About 6 years ago I lucked upon the career of a Consumer Insights professional. I had no idea this career path existed and I really enjoy it. Of course, just like any job, some days are easier than others but I really enjoy the core of the job: Figuring out what the real question is and crafting the perfect plan to answer the question. I never thought I would work in Corporate America and I am thankful for the life that my job provides. In these recessionary times just having a job is something to be thankful for.

3. KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "NEED" and "WANT." This might be a strange thing to be thankful but it's closely related to avoiding "comparison" that thief of happiness and being thankful for what I have. I know there will always be people with more than me and people with less than me. I look around at the house, Molly messing with the turkey in the kitchen, and Rosa and Sammy who just took their Thanksgiving baths and realize I have everything I need. It's all right here. It wouldn't matter if we were sharing a box of chicken nuggets. There is something powerful in enjoying the little things. May you always be able to tell the difference between "want" and "need" and enjoy that happiness that accompanies this knowledge.

Here's to you and your family on this Thanksgiving Day. May you have a great meal and become one of the many victims of tryptophan...at least long enough to avoid cleaning the really dirty, crusty pans. ;-)

CREATIVE DECORATION

2011-11-22T18:09:00.001-08:00

I know this post is a little late because it's about Halloween but I figured as long as I posted it before Thanksgiving I was ok. :)

I love to find creative things. I say things loosely because these things can really be anyTHING with an unexpected twist on it. For example, when we were in Saugatuck for our wedding we found this propane tank someone had recycled into a Halloween decoration. We bought it white (see below) and it looked like a mean ghost to me.
Then when we got it home, Molly turned it into an mean orange pumpkin. :) The parents walking their trick-or-treaters around made comments and thought it was unique. That was fun. The cool thing is this pumpkin can glow just like a real pumpkin and it will last a lot longer. Rosa(Princess Leia) and Sammy (Yoda) seemed to like the new Halloween decoration. However, they weren't big fans of their costumes as neightbors laughed out their car windows as I took this photo. If they only knew how famous they are on Facebook. :)

SIMPLE UNIFORM COVER UP

2011-11-12T14:14:00.000-08:00

Watching the media coverage of the alleged scandal at Penn State this past week has been like a train wreck...it's horrible but you can't take your eyes off. The cognitive dissonance, the mental conflict we experience when we're presented with evidence that our assumptions or beliefs are wrong, experienced by listening to the 40 criminal counts accusing a long time assistant coach for Penn State of molesting eight young boys and the school's cover up was unbelievable. It was the plot of horrible movies that I can never make it through. I was sickened by all the media attention discussing what this scandal would mean to Joe Paterno's storied career and a small group of Penn State student rioting when the focus should have been on how to prevent child abuse and the victims of the sex abuse scandal. They are Penn State.

Few want to refer to it as a sex abuse scandal but that's what it is. Reporters and people of Penn State have attempted to neutralize the sex scandal with titles like "The Penn State tragedy" but the fact is the Penn State athletic and university administration covered up years of Jerry Sandusky sexually abusing young boys, pedophilia. After forcing myself to read Jerry Sandusky's grand jury indictment (read here) there are too many details documenting how he used the same sick techniques to sexually abuse at risk kids recruited from his Second Mile Charity. Obviously Sandusky believed "if it ain't broke why fix it" as his victim list grew and Penn State believed the same. Penn State thought the football team is winning and we're perceived as a clean institution..."If it ain't broke don't fix it." The problem is Penn State was broken and no one talked about it long enough to fix it. Penn State covered up the brokenness...young boys' broken lives, a broken football staff, a broken athletic department, and ultimately a broken university administration. They are Penn State.

Penn State making excuses for poor behavior shouldn't be a surprise. The same athletic department protected Rene Portland, Penn State's women's basketball coach, for years. She publicly shared her "no lesbians allowed" rule with the world in a Chicago newspaper and continued to defend it. This discrimination and hatred from a state university employee wasn't even hiding like Sandusky's skeletons. Nope, it was right out in the open to see and the athletic department supported her. I guess winning a lot of games gives you a lot of power and protection. They are Penn State.

It's always so surprising when the ones we've labeled "good" fall, isn't it? Jerry Sandusky's autobiography was titled "Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story" and you can't make that disgusting shit up. It doesn't matter if your uniforms are flamboyant and cocky like frequent NCAA violating University of Miami or as simple and traditional as the uniforms of the Nittany Lions or the priests of the Catholic church. Once there is a reputation as good and trustworthy people trust you. Parents, kids, etc. trusted Penn State football, trusted Jerry Sandusky, and have trusted the Catholic church. No one is white as snow, white as snow. There are always skeletons and imperfections. We are human. Be careful to ever put humans on pedestals. They are Penn State.

Let us learn from the Penn State sex scandal. Let us learn to protect our kids, our future at all costs. No one deserves to live with the embarrassment and shame the victims of Sandusky's have lived with for so long. No one is above the law or someone else's rights and freedoms. I don't care how many wins you have in your career, a loss of this magnitude cannot be overlooked. Maybe if everyone wasn't blindly chanting "We are Penn State" someone would have put the victims' lives and well-being before the institution of Penn State.

TRADE PALM TREES FOR GRASS ANY DAY

2011-11-08T08:04:00.000-08:00

I'm in Tucson, AZ on work travel. I'm appreciative of work travel. I get to see places that I may not have seen in my personal travels meaning I might not plan a vacation to see these places but my visits are interesting.

Tucson, AZ is interesting and I would never book a vacation to stay here. I love the mountains off in the distance every way I look. This view is amazing since I grew up in the Midwest. In true naive Midwest fashion I want to go to the mountains. I want to walk on them or stand right by them. Seeing them off in the distance just isn't enough because you can see that on postcards. I want the real experience. Unfortunately the mountains are way off in the distance and when you travel for work you don't have time to drive for hours. Alas, I did get to drive through a state park that had more cacti in one concentrated area then I had ever seen in my whole life. I love cacti. They're so unique and I love how people put white lights on them in AZ. Very fun.

Aside from the beautiful rocks/mountains in the distance I don't really like Tucson, AZ. In this city I swear time stopped in the late 1980's. I get excited when I see a building that looks somewhat modern. Everwhere I look all I hear in my head is the Bonanza theme song.

The only bright spot was the University of Arizona. I was able to see a friend coach women's basketball on Arizona's campus. Pretty fun. The campus area may be the only thriving portion of the city.

So Tucson, Arizona you can keep your rock formations, palm trees, beautiful cacti, and rocks for yards. I prefer lush green grass. Yes we have grass in our yards that actually requires a mower. I know it seems like extra worse but I prefer mowing my yard to sweeping up rocks. I'm not kidding. No one has a yard here. At least in the Southeast they have pretend grass, you know that crab grass that pricks your feet. Here=no grass. I miss it. Looking at their rocks for yards makes my mouth dry. I miss the trees with turning leaves.

I'm excited to return home to Chicago.

HOW TO KARAOKE SUCCESSFULLY

2011-11-05T10:27:00.001-07:00

Molly and I found ourselves at Crosstown Pub & Grill in Naperville for the first time last night. We decided to try this place because the Naperville Sun featured their wings in an article and you know we are all about wings. The wings lived up to the hype. They had over 32 flavors offered by dry rubs and wet sauces. We were watching the Blackhawks game and then karaoke broke out in the other part of Crosstown. It was unexpected awesomeness. We migrated into the karaoke area and had some observations about how to be successful at karaoke.

There are 4 important keys to a successful karaoke experience: 1) Intoxication, 2) wait to sing, 3) bring a posse, and 4) the right song.

4 Keys to a Successful Karaoke Experience

1. INTOXICATION. You as the singer should be intoxicated. Drinking will bolster your confidence to grab the mic and will skew your perception of just how great you can sing and how your performance will compare to others (i.e., I can sing as good as that guy). Make sure the crowd is drinking too. This will increase the odds they will think you're singing well and the likelihood they will participate when you sing (i.e., clapping, singing along, etc.)

2. WAIT TO SING. Don't sing early in the night (see #1 above). If you sing too early in the night there's a good chance you haven't drank enough and you might realize in the middle of the song that you're horrible. This is a very sobering moment and will ruin the rest of your "performance." Waiting allows the crowd to continue to drink so they're more prepared to participate in your performance (again, see #1 above). Waiting also increases the sample size of singers that you will be compared to. The more singers the greater likelihood that at least a couple singers were worse than you. Waiting to sing also allows you to observe what type of music the crowd liked...what type of songs do they sing along with, clap to, and make "ahhhh yeahhh I love this song" faces and gestures. Making these observations will help you pick the "right song."

3. BRING A POSSE. It's best to attend a karaoke night with at least 2 other friends. 3 people in your party is a good rule of thumb for the minimum party size to ensure success. A small group of friends encouraging you to make an ass of yourself mixed with drinking is sure to get you up on stage. It's always nice to have at least a few friendly faces cheering for you, singing along, and encouraging others to support your singing. If all else fails at least you can return to them after your performance to drink away the memory and continue to make fun of other singers who hopefully sing worse that you. If you don't have a posse, sit at a table next to a group of people having a great time. Often they will embrace you and their posse will cheer you on as their own when you sing.

4. THE RIGHT SONG. This is key or you could hear crickets. Remember while you were waiting to sing your song you should have been figuring out what type of music the crowd is responding to (i.e. if you're in the country the crowd may be less receptive to a techno/dance song). Couple this information with what type of music you can sing successfully and you should have a winning song. Too many times I have witnessed a karaoke novice having an emotional connection with "their song" while the crowd checks out and wonders "what the hell are they singing?" #fail.

Types of songs that are normally winners include:

1) Retro party jams or One Hit Wonders that allow you to make fun of yourself or the time period (i.e. It takes two, any MC Hammer song)

2) Americana/Nostalgic songs (i.e. Jack and Diane, classic rock hits)

3). Popular duets (i.e., Sonny and Cher, Tina and Ike)

4). Songs with attitude the crowd will rally around (i.e., Before he cheats, Bitch song)

Warning: Under no circumstances should you sing "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston. This song is off limits to everyone but Whitney Houston. Seriously, even if you think you have a great voice you can't handle this song.

BACK-UP PLAN: If you really want to sing and you're horrible here's a couple tactics:

1. Sing with someone who is a decent singer and barely sing into the mic. Do more of a breathy lip singing with intermittent bursts of aggressive singing.

2. Sing with distracting back up dancers. Hopefully more people will focus on the dancers and the overall performance instead of your singing.

CHEATING PLAN: If your posse is peer pressuring you to karaoke and you want them off your back, give the DJ a blank song paper or write really sloppy so he/she can't read it. This way you look like you want to sing but the DJ never called your name. *tear, tear*

LIFE'S GOOD.IT'S BETTER WITH GOALS.

2011-10-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

I've been playing ice hockey for 4 years. I started in when I was getting my PhD in Minnesota. The basketball for post grads wasn't so great and let's face it I wasn't playing as good as my memories of playing college ball. It was time to take on new challenges. I embraced outdoor winter sports, snow boarding and ice hockey. I joined a great team of women and played with the Blue Diamonds in the WHAM league. Wow the first year was rough! Our team didn't practice very often so I learned everything on the fly- even how to put on all my gear!

When I moved to the Chicago area I lucked into joining another fantastic team, the Romeoville Rampage. I'm in my second year playing for this team. Last year I played left wing and this year I've been playing mostly center. Hockey has been a tremendous challenge for me. I learn something new every time I'm on the ice or watching a game on TV. It can be so rewarding and yet so frustrating. It's the only sport that you have artificial hands and feet. Think about it- your feet aren't touching the ground because they're in skates and your hands aren't touching the puck, they are holding a hockey stick. Also I can be in the best shape of my life but that doesn't really make me a better hockey player skill-wise. Nope. it just makes me taste my lungs less. It just means I am less tired when I'm trying to skate and be in position.

Why did I start playing hockey? Well, hockey is pretty popular in Minnesota but I think the real reasons were it seemed like an untouchable sport for me and you got to wear a helmet and pads. Few women I had ever met played hockey so I liked that I was doing something different, something that few women did. It's fun when people talk about their interests and I can share that I play hockey. Guys always take a double take because most of them can't/don't play so there's instant respect for someone who can play, especially a female. Kinda cool. There's a certain level of toughness assigned to you after they know you play hockey. I like it. Not just a sport everyone can play.

There is also something magical about putting on all your gear. It's kinda of stinky and there are many pieces of equipment. I love wrapping myself in what feels like armor and then popping on my helmet. No matter what happens on the ice the equioment, for the most part protects you. Sure sometimes you get sore and sometimes people get hurt but for the most part you are safe. I can still remember in my first game I collided with someone and someone stepped on my head. Of course my head was in a helmet but once an ice skate blade stepped on my head and I was fine it was "game on." I felt like nothing could hurt me. :) There is something about putting on that helmet that feels like going to battle. I't fun to hit people, to have a lot of contact, and play chicken with them skating to the puck. The worst thing that can happen is a 2 minute penalty. It's cool and I like it. I've never had a sports experience like it.

So here's to another great season of hockey. I'll post life lessons from hockey as the season progresses. Enjoy whatever season you are in. Think about trying something new. It stretches your brain and works your body-both are good things. The motto for our team is: LIFE IS GOOD. IT'S BETTER WITH GOALS. So set some goals and reach for them. In our case, we're trying to set goals and SCORE them! :)

Here's a few photos from early games this season. I'm #3 MAXWELL.

MUSIC HITS THE SPOT

2011-10-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

Music is a big part of my life. I start every morning with a small dance/karaoke party while getting ready for work. I have different music mixes for throughout the week. I'm addicted to the "Behind the Music" shows on tv and I'm a sucker for acoustic performaces. I also love live music concerts but ony if I can experience the show up close (AKA I am a tiket snob). When my iPhone recently drowned, being without my music at all times was the worst part. Overall I'm really into Matt Nathanson these days. He's my new John Mayer. He has clever lyrics and I love his voice. I can listen to it for a long time which is great for work. Plus, he's easy on the eyes. (Yep, sometimes I watch a few YouTube videos too. :)

I haven't posted a music list in awhile. Here are a few mainstream and not so mainstream songs/artists that I'm enjoying these days:

Artist/ Song

Beyonce- Love on Top

Matt Nathanson- Modern Love
Matt Nathanson- Faster
Matt Nathanson- Run (w/Jennifer Nettles)

Matt White Band- Makes me happy
Matt White Band- My hand in yours

Lady Antebellum- Just a kiss

John Legend- Each day gets better

George Michael- Amazing

Doobie Brothers- Take me in your arms(rock me a little while)

Carrie Underwood-This time
Carrie Underwood- What can I say

Adam Lambert- Whataya want from me

The Script- Before the worst
The Script- Breakeve (Falling to pieces)

Sara Evans- Stronger

Peaches & Herb- Shake your groove thing

One Republic- Good life

Nicki Minaj- Super bass

Neil Diamond- Cracklin Rose
Neil Diamond- Forever in blue jeans

Miranda Lambert- The house that built me

Mariah Carey- Shake it off

Lady GaGa- The edge of glory

If you were looking for dance tracks or workout music you won't find that music on this list...this list is more of the get ready for the day kinda music. Enjoy!

I'LL BE IN THE GARAGE

2011-10-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

I love to get people together. It's fun to have a group of people sharing a meal or an event and connecting with each another. Often Molly and I hang out with straight couples (man and woman) and as the night wears on the women and men start to separate and form their own conversations. The men tend to head to the TV to watch sports and the women gather around the table or stand around in the kitchen. What are the lesbians to do? This pattern isn't new, I've noticed it for as long as I can remember. Even when my extended family would get together the men would end up chatting in the garage and the women would chat in the family room or the kitchen.

When the men and women begin to split I start to feel a little lost. For as long as I can remember I was always more interested in listening to my uncles/grandpas/dad's conversations because they were about sports, cars, work, fixing things, building things, etc. They would tease each other and sometimes get a little rowdy since some sort of competition/game would always break out. There was a lot of comraderie that I understood. They would let me hang around and listen. As I looked around and saw all guys I knew I was supposed to be in with the women (aunts/counsins/grandma/mom) but I never wanted to participate in those conversations and the guys never made me feel unwanted.

The women were always talking about their kids, cooking, sewing, shopping, etc. and my girl cousins were always playing with dolls. I just wasn't into that. No rowdy games or competitions were going to break out. There was little teasing except by my mom or grandma maxwell because they got it, they could hang with the guys too. So I would look at the women of my family and realize that I was a girl but I wasn't interested in many "girly" things so where did I fit?

Now that I am older I still recognize the same patterns but I experience a little less angst :). Of the girly things, I am more interested in cooking (some things now, mostly for Molly or for show) but I'm still not that into shopping. I sew but for creativity or to learn something new not so much for function. I don't talk about kids because we don't have them. I can't participate in conversations ripping on husbands because Molly isn't a guy and she is amazing. (P.S. It's a dicey move to agree with women ripping on their husbands when you don't have one. They either get jealous that your wife isn't a man or they get pissed off you aren't living with a doof like them.)

It's still much easier for me to connect with guys. Most of my closer friends at work are guys. I think a lot of it is the language. I love to tease, talk about sports, and participate in witty banter or movie quoting. This tends to be "guy speak" more than the connecting language of women. Don't get me wrong. I can listen and have deep discussions with the best of them but when I see women settling in with their drinks around some couches I start to get a little uneasy. Because the longer we sit there and speak the more you know we DON'T have in common. You're going to look at me like I have 3 heads and it's not going to be fun. Probably not surprisingly, a lot of my close girl friends and family members are like me. They can talk and hang with the guys and still mix it up with a group of women and get all pretty when need be. Most of my close friends are really into sports and that crosses all gender, age, income, etc. lines.

Key Takeaway: My interests are well rounded and I don't like to fall into the big gender stereotype buckets when the men and women separate at group functions. I straddle these stereotypes which makes me socially marketable but not the norm so I flutter between groups to get the best of both worlds without committing. :)

So if anyone wants to go to BW3s for wings and the game I'm ready...who's coming? :)

SHAPING OUR FUTURE

2011-10-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm finshing up a book titled, "Back to Our Futures: How the 1980s Explain the World We Live In Now- Our Culture, Our Politics, Our Everything," by David Sirota. (PC, you would like this book) The passage below from this book got me thinking. Take a minute and read the passage:

"With wages stagnating and families struggling to sustain incomes in the 1980s, more women entered the workforce and more employees began spending longer hours on the job. Left with less adult attention and supervision, eighties kids started spending much more time hanging out in the basement with their new pop-culture pedagogues: the television, VCR, Atari, and Apple IIe. This goes a long way to answering why the 1980s resurrection is taking place at this exact moment.

"Show me the games of your children," goes the anthropologists' refrain, "and I'll show you the next hundred years."

That aphorism is particularly important when we consider entertainment media. As The Boston Globe reported in 2009, "a wave of sociological research is showing" that "TV and movie characters can shape how we look at real-world events" and that "fiction, in fact, can shape our perceptions of the world even more than reality."

The notion that TV and movie characters can shape how we view our world isn't new news; however, I started thinking about two things: 1) what did I watch on TV when I was younger and what games did we play/watch on TV and 2) what are kids these days watching on TV and what games are they playing/watching on TV?

The shows I can remember watching on TV were the following: Cartoons on the weekends, Nickelodeon (Double Dare especially), videos on MTV, Punky Brewster, Webster, Mr. Belvedere, Knight Rider, MacGyver, Doogie Howser, Growing Pains, Full House, Roseanne, Who's the Boss?, Family Ties, Family Matters, The Simpsons, Golden Girls, Charles in Charge, You Can Be A Star, The Cosby Show, Saved By the Bell and Wonder Years. Then in the 90s as I was in HS and college I remember watching the following: A lotta Sportscenter, Friends, 90210, Home Improvement, In Living Color, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, the Real World, and the Simpsons.

Read through that list slowly. Let it set in. Wow, a lot of those shows are pretty f'd up. My, oh my, how my mind was being shaped. ha ha

The games we played were: Mother May I?, Red Light-Green light, Kick the Can, racing (on foot and bikes), Pong, Atari, Super Mario Brothers, Legends of Zelda (Chad's favorite), NCAA Basketball, HORSE, lawn darts, and wiffle ball. Big Game Shows were: The Price is Right, Press Your Luck, Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, and $10,000 Pyramid.

I think about what's on TV for kids these days and I can only imagine what our futures will be like if in fact the TV shows they watch and the games they play resurface when they're adults. I'm sure every generation since the invention of the TV has thought the same thing. Think about popular TV programming of the 2000s: American Idol, The Apprentice, The Biggest Loser, CSI and NCIS for every major city, Desperate Housewives, the Bachelor, Fear Factor, Grey's Anatomy, Glee, Jersey Shores, Lost, The Office, Survivor, and Two and Half Men.

I really don't know what games kids today play. I'm sure it's a combination of the old school playing outside games I listed above, games on the zillions of gaming consoles available from super violent shooting games to games that encourage phsical activity (Wii, Kinect), and many internet-connected games via their phones and computers. Also don't forget the increased participation in structures sports settings...every kids is preparing for that college scholarship, right?!? ;-)

The differences I notice between my youth and the youth of today's kids are the following:

Games and TV shows are based in "reality" and winner takes all. The Real World TV show on MTV started to tap into what is the norm for today's kids. If TV can shape kids' realities imagine the power of "reality TV." Super powerful. I hope no one thinks Jersey Shore is reality. God help our future if that's the case. Also, many TV shows are game shows where there is intense competition to win...win a man/woman's love, survive the elements and politics (Survivor), a skinnier body (Biggest Loser), best singer chosen from millions of auditions (American Idol), and the best entreprenuer (Apprentice).

Today's kids can connect with people all over the world. We played games in the backyard or against each other on the nintendo in the family room. We couldn't play games against people across long distances via the internet. When you compete against an opponent sharing the same space you learn sportsmanship, you learn performance (there's no pausing), and you learn about work-life-balance ( you can't play Mother May I ongoing for 5 hours like you can with games on your phone, gaming console, or computer).

REUNITED (OR A NEW iPHONE)

2011-10-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

I was without my beloved iPhone for a total of 52 very.long.hours. Long like when you have to go to the bathroom very bad. Long like when you're little, lost in a store and can't find your mom/dad. Long like when you're car has been on empty for too long and you can't see a gas station. It took for.ev.er to figure out how to get my iPhone replaced/upgraded. During our separation I learned a lot about how my iPhone has worked it's way into my life:

1. ALARM CLOCK: My iPhone passed Thursday AM. Thursday night I realized I didn't have anything to set (aka alarm clock) to wake me up for work Friday AM. We don't have a home phone so I couldn't have someone to call and wake me up. We really don't have clocks in the house aside from the microwave and our watches. What did I do? Well I didn't have an early morning meeting so I went to sleep and chanced it. I woke up at 7:00Am so quickly got ready and made it into work on time. I missed the spa music I wake up to every morning. Without my iPhone my routine was broken.

2. JUKEBOX: I play my iPhone every morning when I get ready for work. I also play my iPhone through my car stereo on my way into work. When I get to my desk I listen to my iPhone too. Life without music is just not right. I hated it.

3. CONNECTION: I missed the soft touches, keeping connected with my friends and family on Facebook. Facebook and Twitter are the equivalents of People magazine for me but with people I care about. I missed have texts too. Molly and I text a lot back and forth throughout the day. My day just doesn't feel right without texting with her. I missed email in the palm of my hand too...work and personal email.

4. SHARING: I saw so many things I wanted to take photos of and send to my friends, family, Facebook. Twitter, etc. Turns out I use my iPhone to document a lot of things I observe in my world.

5. DIRECTIONS: I use my iPhone to map a lot of trips, short and long. Why memorize how to get anywhere when you have your phone?

6. REVIEWS: When I need to search for new restaurants I read a lot of reviews on apps like UrbanSpoon and Yelp. I also write a lot of reviews when we visit restaurants. I missed writing reviews.

7. BANKING: I pay bills and check our account balances using my Chase Bank app. I missed having this access on my phone.

8. SCORES: I check scores on my ESPN app a lot on the weekends. I didn't know what was going on this weekend.

The list above represents the primary ways I missed my iPhone but there are many more secondary "hurts." Overall, I felt less connected to people. I also felt inconvenienced by needing to use my laptop to do things I could usually do in the palmn of my hand wherever I wanted to. What can I say I absolutely love my iPhone. Even when AT&T graciously told me they would let me upgrade to ANY OTHER PHONE but the iPhone in October instead of waiting until December, I just couldn't do it. iPhone we're friends till the end.

Thanks to Molly for letting me use her upgrade instead of waiting until 12/27 for my upgrade. You are the LOML in so many ways and this is just one small example of the ways you love me. muah!

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO MY iPHONE

2011-10-13T17:27:00.000-07:00

Today my iPhone died. The objective truth is it fell out of the side pocket of my bag as I was walking into work. Today it was raining and it fell into a puddle and proceeded to be rained on for about an hour. There are two sides to this story, my story and my iPhone's story. I'll let you decide which parts of each story you believe.

Dear iPhone,

Today was a very hard day. I was hurrying from my car into the office for an early morning and I wasn't able to update my Facebook status. I placed you in a side pocket of my work bag and you fell out when I whipped the door shut. At the moment you jumped out of my bag I didn't know you weren't coming into work with me. I set my things down at my desk and grabbed my laptop, notpad, pen, and you...but when I reached for you in my bag you weren't there. Panic shot through my body. I started to sweater. My mind raced. Where could you be? I thought, "It must have fallen out in the backseat," but I knew you weren't in the backseat because I put you in the pocket when I was standing outside the car. I could barely focus during my meeting with our CEO and CMO. I was crying inside and almost crying outside at the thought of you potentially laying in the parking lot.

After the meeting ended I skipped my next meeting to run out to the parking lot to find you. As I approached the car I saw you...lying there lifeless...in a puddle. My heart sunk as I cradled you in my arms. I quickly wiped you off using my shirt but there was too much water. I took off your protective case and continued to dry you off. You didn't respond. After trying to resusitate you for 30 minutes I called the paramedics (AT&T and the Apple store). You weren't under warranty anymore so basically your DNR (Do Not Resusitate) papers were playing out.

As I sat grieving in my cubicle, our company IT guy came to upgrade my computer. The irony of it all. He kept trying to tell me how you, iPhone, were no good for me and how I should get a Samsung Droid 4G. I couldn't hear it. My body was there but my soul wasn't. It had been 86 minutes since we were last good. Since we were smiling together and you were touching my face and so close to my lips. Living apart from you is no way to live. I don't hear music anymore. It's horrible.

I'm not giving up on you iPhone. We're going to make it. It's 2 months until our 2 year anniversary and we were going to upgrade our relationship. We can make it. After researching ways to save an iPhone that had jumped into water (there were many examples of toilets, pools, puddles, etc.) I realized that I needed to do aditional work to absorb every last drop of water. One way to help absorb the water is to put the iPhone in uncooked rice. I ran to my friend who works on Healthy Choice Fresh Mixers and put my iPhone in the rice.

Now I am home and you are in a larger more air-tight bag or rice with Sillica packs from random shoe boaxes and beef jerky bags. I placed you gently in the oven (without heat) with the light on for more sealed air and a little heat from the light. I'm hoping you awake tomorrow and we can live out the rest of our days together until 12/27 when I can upgrade. Come on baby, you can make it. I know you can. You're a fighter! In the meantime I hope you have no pain and you have a complete memory and functionality when you awake from your coma.

Love,

Heather

Here's my iPhone's story:

Hmax-

The only part of ur story that's tru is u dropped me n a puddle, u hate not having me around, and ur going 2 upgrade me the first chance u get. Ur always multi-tasking with me. Where is my QT with u? Ur always driving, eating, going to the restroom, watching TV, shopping, etc. We never just share a moment. Ur always using me to get u somewhere.

U don't take care of me. I can't believe we've made it this long. U.drop.me.all.the.time. It hurts. Remember when u wanted me to be skinnier so u took off my protective case and made me live naked for about 2 months??? Then u realized while I may look cooler our relationship might not last if I was naked...because u always dropped me!

U don't keep me clean either. I am greasy. How do u think that makes me feel? Then u put a protective cover on my screen that looked like shit but I didn't say anything, Nope. I just took it. For the past year that screen cover has looked sketchy. Really sketchy. Disgusting actually but I kept working for u.

I thought we had something here but clearly u only like me for a distraction during movies, something to do if u have lunch alone, texting Molly, my jukebox capbilities, navigation...Yeah let's face it u don't know how to get anywhere without me! Right after you kicked me 2 the puddle and we were driving to the Apple store u picked me up like 3 times to see where the closest Jimmy John's was and to play Beyonce.

Look, I'm not sure if this rice pool you have me in is going to work. If it does some things are going to change around here. For 1, u r not going to put me in that dangerous side pocket again. Secondly, u r going 2 thank me everyday until 12/27 for letting u update ur Facebook status in the restroom. Lastly, clean my screen. I'm pretty and I deserve more than the smudge marks.

Here's to making a few more memories,

iPhone

MY FLUGELBINDER

2011-10-12T17:58:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago when I was in Kentucky for research I saw a pickup truck with balls. Yep you read that correctly the truck had balls. Look left for an example I found online. Like I needed to tell you to look left. You had already noticed because WHO HAS A TRUCK WITH BALLS?!?

I'm an entrepreneur by nature. I can't help it. My mind is constantly racing and thinking ways to turn a profit and businesses I could start. I'm trying to find my "flugelbinder"...you know that unique thing you invent and sell to make your millions. If you aren't familiar with the flugelbinder take a minute and watch this video clip below from Cocktail, a movie starring Tom Cruise from 1988 and surprisinglly one of my Top 50 favorilte movies. Yes, I have the DVD.

All my legit ideas like starting a business to conduct creative research or help companies with brand strategies work in our information economy but they don't scale very well. There is only one of me and I only have so much time in each day. I've dabbled with ideas that could be reproduced widget-style but nothing serious. My latest idea thrown at the ebay wall to see if it sticks? Notre Dame Golden Dome/Mother Mary hats. Look at auction here.

So anyhoo, this guy who dreamt up balls for trucks has found his flugelbinder. The inventor has to be a guy right? He must have thought, "you know, guys like to mark things as their property so what if I made something they could use to playfully mark their trucks and toys?" What an insight. He didn't stop there. Oh no. He has a pipeline of innovation! The truck balls he sells come in different colors, sizes appropriate for all sizes of vehicles from small ATVs to large trucks, finishes (metallic, chrome, etc.), and patterns like camoflage. You can view the "Bulls Balls and Big Boy Nuts" billed as all "novelty testicle sets are made to swing" at the following website here.

I think my best bet at additional income outside of my current job is through real estate. I've been looking at properties in Chicago. It could happen someday. Until them I'll keep learning and saving. I want to be ready when I see my flugelbinder.

NOT GOING BACKWARDS

2011-10-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today, October 11th, was National Coming Out Day. People are encouraged to come out of the closet and feel empowered to tell people they are gay. I can't wait until this day goes back to being just October 11th and it doesn't matter that anyone is gay. Because gay people sometimes aren't easily spotted I guess we're supposed to let everyone know. Seems kind of strange but I get it...the inequality and lack of rights for gay people seems like a topic far removed from straight peoples' lives if they don't realize it hurts their friends and family members. Anyhoo, I wasn't even going to blog tonight because I was tired. Then I wasn't going to blog because this day is kinda cliche. But then I started remembering how the lack of rights for me as a lesbian have impacted my life lately.

In Illinois, Molly and I have the right to a same-sex civil union. This is important because our civil union combines and protects our assets. We've always been able to share health and dental insurance but now if one of us were to pass away the other would receive the deceased spouses' assets. If one of us was injured and in the emergency room or in surgery we have rights to visit them in the hospital. These are big legal benefits of our civil union. Beyond these legal rights, at my place of employment we are accepted and embraced, not as the gay couple but just as Heather and Molly. It's refreshing. I believe this feeling of inclusion is one of the cultural results of being treated fairly legally. Our relationship is legitimized.

Recently I was in discussions with a potential employer in Michigan closer to Molly's family. Being closer to a critical mass of family would be good, right? I love her family. It was a great position with a great company and an increase in title and pay but something just wasn't right. It didn't feel right. I felt like I was regressing, like I was shrinking, but what was it?

Then it hit me.

If Molly and I moved to Michigan we would lose our rights as a couple. Michigan doesn't recognize same sex couples. We would be going back in time. In the truest sense we would be regressing. Ultimately I just couldn't consider living in a state that didn't provide us with full rights. I will not live in a state that doesn't recognize our relationship.

Sure it angers me to think that I am restricted to living in Illinois, New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, Iowa, and some other progressive states out East because they are the few states that think of me as an equal to heterosexuals. But I've decided it angers me more to forfeit my rights in order to accept another job and even live closer to family.

Discrimintation limits me but it also limits those states with discrimintating policies. Those states miss out on the talents of those they discriminate against. This limits their businesses by artificially filtering their resume pools of potential applicants.

Perhaps these states want it that way..."keep all the gays outside of these state borders"...does this thinking sound familiar? It should. It should reak of civil rights movements of the past. We all lose when we attempt to restrain the "free market." And if any state could use some economic infusion Michigan would be one of them.

I leave you with the words of our Declaration of Independence. I wonder when we stopped living them or when we started interpreting them in ways to only benefit the majority.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

NOTRE DAME vs MICHIGAN UNDER THE LIGHTS

2011-10-10T05:56:00.000-07:00

Let it be known I'm a sucker for FIRSTS and LASTS. I attended the first game the Chicago Bears played in Illinois' stadium when their stadium was being improved, I attended the first Minnesota Gopher football game in their new stadium, I attended one of the last games in the Metrodome (Minnesota Twins), and I attended the FIRST NIGHT GAME AT MICHIGAN STADIUM!

Of course I was cheering for Notre Dame but since Molly is a Michigan alum she was cheering for the other team. Not only was this the first night game but we were a part of a record setting crowd- the most fans to watch a college football game.

Observations from my first Michigan football game:
1. The two giant video boards on each end of Michigan stadium are AMAZING. I love them. You could see replays beautifully. They made me realize how behind the times AKA traditional Notre Dame stadium is.
2. The sound system was INSANE. When the band wasn't playing the sound system was rocking the whole stadium. It felt like a professional football game. I loved it! Again, I love the ND band but it would be awesome to have the stadium energized from a great sound system.
3. Michigan fans take over Ann Arbor. There were masses of people everywhere. Tailgating was going on EVERYWHERE. We drove through a part of campus and I fans/students were all over, everywhere. Think of ants all over sugar water!
4. I missed the dances and traditions that the Notre Dame students do throughout the game. I haven't seen anything like it anywhere else...from the jig to the fighting irish arm movements to the surfing pushups when ND scores to the Star Wars arm chop...I missed them.
5. There's a little more butt space on the bleachers compared to ND but not much. Oh how I would have loved a seat back.

The game was action packed. Lots of scoring and lead changes. There were seconds left and ND was up so we left the stadium because I was one of few Irish fans in our section and we didn't want to get caught in traffic. Unfortunately as we were leaving the stadium we watched the last couple plays on the concession stand tv and MI won. Unbelievable. Ugh. Still it was a great trip and really fun to see where Molly went to school.

Here are some photos from our trip to Ann Arbor:

PURPOSEFUL TIME

2011-10-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

The women of Molly's family come together for one weekend in Traverse City, MI every year. They find a place to rent that all 11 people can stay and enjoy one another's company, eat, play cards, visit the casino, and partake in adult beverages, etc. The rule is you have to officially be part of the family and be 21 or older. I love how no matter what's going on in their lives they pause and spend time together on this weekend.

They've been doing this for years and now I'm included since Molly and I got married. Yep that's right I'm part of the family. You know what the cool part is? They feel like my family. Spending time feels that comfortable. Each woman brings her unique experiences, perspectives, interests, ideas, etc. to the party and I love it.

I treasure this time with the women in her family because my extended family doesn't get together anymore. It seems like the grandparents on both my mom's and dad's sides were the only reason the greater family would get together. Since both sets of my grandparents have passed we don't have big family get togethers anymore. I'm lucky since we live about 2.5 hours from my parents and 30 minutes from my brother that I see my mom, dad, step mom, and brother quite bit...More than a lot of people get to see their immediate families. We have a lot of great times together but I don't see my greater family.

It makes me realize that you have to purposefully get together. You have to create events that people respect and attend every year. I'm not talking about holidays because people tend to get together naturally around these times. Holidays are default family time. However, even holidays can get complicated when your parents are divorced and you have in-laws.

Yes, we will always be family and we will always have friends that we can reconnect with instantly after years of being out of touch but why get out of touch? I'm trying to make it a point to BE THERE for important people in my life. I'm trying to make it a point to spend more time with my family and friends. In the past I've given material gifts and cards but now I'm trying to give experiential gifts...gifts that involve spending time doing an activity, watching a show, attending a game, etc. Sharing an experience and making a memory. Don't get me wrong I love cards. It's always nice to get non-bills in the mail or your inbox but I'm trying to make cards more complementary to other connecting experiences.

Events and activities people do ritualistically help keep ties and relationships alive. Relationships don't stay alive and growing on their own, you have to nurture them. Care for them. Make time for them. Invest in them. Listen to them. Be there for them.

Being busy isn't an excuse. We are all busy. As cliche as it sounds the years will go by and you will be busy but who and what will you make time for? Be purposeful. Make your time count.

VALIDATION

2011-09-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

It's been 21 days since Molly and I got married on September 4, 2011. I wanted to write the recap blog a lot sooner but I just couldn't. I couldn't do that day justice with a blog. Every time I tried to sit down and type this blog I couldn't find the right words to make it perfect like that day. Well I've gotten over being perfect for this blog and have decided to write down my thoughts before our one year anniversary. (Plus I have a lot of other blogs cooking in my brain but I can't write them before I share about the wedding. It just wouldn't be right...)

We filed our official Civil Union paperwork in Wheaton, Il (DuPage County) but we were married in

Saugatuck, MI...meaning we had our real celebration with friends and family in MI. Illinois acknowledges our relationship but Michigan does not; however, we chose Saugatuck because it's a beautiful place and it's close to Molly's family.

About 90 people attended from many states: Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota, New York, Washington, Georgia, Texas, Missouri, and Ohio. We were overwhelmed by the many people who attended. When we were planning we wondered who would attend and how this event would be received but we knew we wanted to commit ourselves to one another even if we were the only ones standing there.

The weather was perfect. Sunny skies and 75 degrees with a slight wind. The ceremony was outside in this pergola that we decorated with fuchsia and white banners. Yes, they were made on our sewing machine...some lesbian stereotypes hold true for us like sports, handy around the house,like comfy clothes, etc. but the sewing capabilities may have thrown you for a loop. I get it. Catch your breath.

We both wore diamond white dresses and our flowers were calla lillies and stargazer lillies. Molly's mom and dad walked her down the aisle and my mom walked me down the aisle. Wewalked down the aisle one after another to "Marry Me" by Train and now I can't hear this song without tearing up. I will never ever forget all the faces of our loved ones standing there supporting us on that day as we walked down the aisle. It was humbling and simply amazing. Walking down the aisle all I could do was stare at Molly. She looked so beautiful. Her dress, her hair, her smile...I will never forget that feeling of walking toward her to start the rest of our lives.

Ryan, our friend from Culver days was the officiant and he did a rockstar job. We were so glad he was able to lead our special day. My brother, Chad, read "I carry your heart" by E.E. Cummings and and Molly's bestest friend, Brenna, read "Love" by Roy Croft. We wrote our own vows.

Here were my vows:

Molly, I’m a researcher, I listen to consumers for a living. I listen to others so much sometimes I forget to listen to myself. But this time with you I was consumed. I couldn’t hear anything over my shouting heart. I had 10 years of data. 10 years of knowing you.

We always connected with each other when we needed someone for an adventure or someone to really LIVE life in a moment. It dawned on me that some of my favorite moments LIVING were with you. When we finally started dating I didn’t need any more data I was certain you were the one I wanted to go on the adventure of LIFE with.

It’s funny that my Iphone autocorrecting my texts actually says it best…whenever I text “I love you” it autocorrects to “I LIVE you.” Molly it’s true…I love you, I live you, and I want to share all this life has to offer with you. It seems I’ve been autocorrecting forever. I knew what was expected and I autocorrected my thoughts, feelings to align. But life is too short to autocorrect from who I am and who I love.

Before you I never wanted this moment we’re sharing. I never believed in marriage. But you made me believe in forever. I couldn’t imagine not sharing this moment with you. You are the one I was waiting for to have the courage to stand before all our family, friends, the world and say I love you and I want to be with you forever. I could never hide my happiness and love for you. For once I care more about how YOU FEEL than what others think.

The unknown is scary. I was scared of this day…not knowing what this would look like and who would attend. But in a world of unknowns I do know a few things. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to experience all the unknown this life has to offer with you.

After we said our official "I Do's" we walked out to "All you need is love" by the Beatles. Then we took some posed photos but very few. We hired Rob Hart to take our photos. He is a photojournalist for the Chicago Sun Times. We were so lucky to secure him for the wedding. He took over 5,200 photos over the course of the day and we can't wait to see them!

We entered the reception to Keri Hilson's "Pretty Girl Rock." LOL. Brian, Chad's partner, gave the blessing. Molly's Aunt Kim and my two friends Stephanie (high school friend) and Marta (college friend) gave toasts/roasts. Then we showed a video of baby pics and our story (play below).

Then there were a few tricks up our sleeves. Molly surprised me by having her Aunt Carol sing "Fall into Me" by Sugarland to us. I had no idea so that was pretty fun. Not to mention her Aunt Carol has an amazing voice. What a performer! This was one of the first songs I put on a CD for Molly. I surprised Molly with an edited video of my discussing our upcoming wedding with Oprah, and me as the lead dancer/singer in videos by the Black Eyed Peas, Justin Bieber, a Glee clip of Teenage Dream, B.O.B/Bruno Mars, and from the move "Love Actually." Unfortunately I broke some copyright rules so the video can't be uploaded so the wedding guests are the only ones who get to see it!

We had a photo booth to replace our guestbook and we LOVE the photos of our guests! They are fantastic! We served a variety of cupcakes instead of the traditional cake. We didn't do

the big cake cutting scene either...not really our style- a little too traditional. We heard they were good but we never really got to eat one! LOL We saved the cake you see on top of the cupcake tower. It's chocolate cake with butter cream frosting. Mmmm. We know you're supposed to save it until your first anniversary but TOO LATE we've already eaten half. LOL. People danced into the wee hours and we can't wait to see those pics. I had heels for the ceremony but halfway through the reception the dancing shoes needed to come out. We both had funky pink sneakers to provide more stability for dancing and running around.

After we left the reception area we went back to our suite in Saugatuck. Molly took out every last bobby pin in my hair- all 51 of them. We changed into jeans and t-shirts and walked around downtown Saugatuck, just the two of us. It was fantastic. We went to a hot dog place and devoured corn dogs and chili cheese fries. It was the perfect end to the perfect night.

Thank you to everyone who was able to attend. I like to think that I don't look for validation but the truth is as humans we all like to feel important and valued. Seeing most of our family and friends at the wedding was the most amazingly validating feeling for both of us. We felt valued and important. We felt like our relationship was "real" in the

eyes of the most important people in our world. Often you might not think about this if you're in an opposite sex relationship. Your relationship and your wedding day are expected and people easily understand. However, for us it's a constant challenge...what will they think, how will they treat us, will they be nice, will they be rude, etc. The questions are always there. I was positively overwhelmed by my work colleagues who attended, who gave well wishes, and who treated me like any other person at work getting married. Despite all of them knowing Molly and many having met her, I always felt like I couldn't announce our big event and share how much I was looking forward to it. There was really no reason for me to think this. In the end, they helped me share the sense of pride and excitement I was feeling because THEY WERE EXCITED FOR US. Just typing that sentence made me tear up- dammit. :-) So thanks again to everyone who shared in our joy. You will never know how your love and support make us stronger. We love you all.

P.S. For those of you who wondered if Rosa and Sammy attended, they did not. They were pissed off about it so let's not mention it again. Ok? mmm K, thanks!

WEATHER LOOKS GOOD...SO FAR

2011-08-30T08:56:00.001-07:00

I never check the weather. Ok, rarely. Only if I'm attending something outside which is rare. Maybe a baseball or football game or when we hosted the Naperville Olympics. That's it. The weather rarely changes my plans. I just change my outfit and bring an umbrella.

Normally I just go about my day and adjust accordingly. During the work week even when it's raining I typically just run into the building because I don't have an umbrella on hand.

Who believes weather people anyway? You would think with all their weather predicting training that they would get it right more often. It's a crap shoot. If I were wrong that often at my job they'd show me the door. Nope, not weather people they just laugh, shake their heads, and say "that darn Mother Nature is so unpredictable." Really???? What about that Doppler 3000X you've been boasting about?? Oh right that only tells you WHAT I CAN ALREADY SEE AND FEEL. I'm pretty sure I can tell when tornado weather is upon me. Thanks.

Why the rant you might be asking? Well I want to believe the weather forecasts. I want to believe that on our wedding day Saugatuck, MI will be 72 and partly cloudy with a minuscule chance of rain. I really want to believe this; however, this would be the first time I've believed a weather report. :)

This time. Just this time. I'm going to believe the weather gods. But I will be checking incessantly over the course of the next 5 days. This does not give you license to ever bring up the weather to me. I don't want to hear your thoughts about the weather that only increases anxiety. Let's pretend I haven't set my desktop to the http://www.weather.com/ location Saugatuck,MI. Just go with it. What's talking about it going to do anyways? It's just going to make me think of what the wedding will look like inside vs outside. STOP IT! See I just went there. I just saw the ceiling instead of a bright blue sky with sparse clouds and shimmery sun.

Ok, I'm done. No more weather talk. Not even to myself.

DROPPIN LBS LIKE DRAKE DROPS THE BASS

2011-08-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

151.8

So I started this journey to getting myself back on track January 1st. I know it looks like a New Year's Resolution and maybe it was but it really just seemed like a good time to make a fresh start. There is something about the turn of the year that let's you feel like you can really make a change. I made some big changes. I stopped eating until I was so full I could roll out of places and I wasn't even hungry the next morning but still proceeded to cram down pancakes. Nope, I'm listening to my body. Imagine that. I never even gave it a chance to say "no more" before. Drinking more water has definitely helped me feel less tired overall which keeps me from pounding the Diet Coke. Most days I had one can but sometimes I had 2-3 cans. Overall I have significantly slowed my roll with the diet soda.

I'm not going to talk about how the Insanity workouts really changed by body. It has changed the number on the scale a little bit but I'm positive the workouts have decreased inches around my waist, thighs, hips, arms, and butt so who cares about the number on the scale. Many of my clothes don't fit that well anymore and some actually fit now. These are all good problems! Bottom line is Insanity works.

So over the course of these last 8 months my high point was 160 pounds and my low point as you can see below is right now at 151.8. All the while I am a lot stronger and in much better shape. At hockey try outs last week I felt fantastic. In comparison, last year during try outs I'm certain I could taste my lungs (Murray, 2011). It's a good feeling to be able to breathe!

The best part about all this is I can sustain what I am doing with my eating habits and I can maintain a certain level of fitness. Don't read that as this was easy. It took a lot of self-discipline and establishing new habits and routines. The Insanity workouts are not a walk in the park...they are real work. I'm not sure I could do the Insanity workouts year round but I can mix them into my routine. The trend of the graph below is downward which is a good trend (unlike the stock market). I think the lightest I've been since high school was 140 pounds and that was when I was running around like a crazy person at Notre Dame. I had little time to eat and I wasn't working out much (no muscle). I think 145 would be a nice compromise and I'm almost there...

EXPECTATIONS & I'M A GONER

2011-08-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you don't know you had expectations until you experience something.

For example, on Friday Molly and I went to the DuPage County Clerk building to get out Civil Union license paperwork for the big wedding this coming Sunday. Let's just get this out there...people don't visit the County Clerk for fun. Nope, the jail is located right by the parking lot and there are lots of grumpy people going to court and paying traffic fines. Needless to say our glowing asses walking into these buildings of gloom for the paperwork to officially start our life together was in stark contrast. When we walked in the security guards in their very official uniforms barked, "whatdya need?" We said, "we need to get our civil union papers," in stereo. He said, "Hang a right and then a left and congratulations." What? Did he just congratulate us??? We looked at each other in disbelief. It was awesome. We walked into the county clerk room and it was dead. A woman who I think has smoked a pack a day for approximately 58 years cheerily shouted, "What I can I do for you ladies?" We said, "We need to get our civil union paperwork." Without skipping a beat she said, "Come on down here." We completed the paperwork with her. Raising our hands and swearing to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. It was really easy to complete and felt so official. We were giddy like school girls.

After the paperwork was done we walked out of the building to our car and couldn't believe what a great experience we had. I guess all we hear on the news are stories about how some government employees refused to process these papers for same-sex couples and this set our negative expectations. We weren't expecting that filing the paperwork would be a good experience. We expected to feel like second class citizens or less than opposite-sex couples filing paperwork but we didn't. It was great. Thank you DuPage County Clerk office for giving us a great memory. :)

As I type this blog I'm really giving myself a little break from writing my vows. NO, this is not the first time I'm attempting to write these vows. I have written at least 8 different versions with different overarching themes to explain my love for Molly but they all fall short. I have chicken scratch thoughts scribbled all over multiple notebooks. I keep trying to write this masterpiece with following transitions and the perfect words to capture my feelings but it's nearly impossible. I love to write but THIS has been a HUGE challenge. As I sit here trying to finalize them I fight back tears. Dammit, I'm in the Naperville Public Library in a "study cube" but if anyone saw these puffy red eyes they might think I'm really struggling in school or maybe watching the saddest movie ev-er on my laptop. Then I think seriously who's idea was it to write our own vows. Couldn't we just repeat what the officiant says and voila we are legal? Then I remember we didn't like the

language used in typical weddings. It didn't fit us. We wanted to share our words...our thoughts...our feelings. Damn us for being authentic. Seriously if writing these in a sterile library with itunes rocking love songs in my ears makes me tear up I am a goner come 9-4-11. Let's think about this...I'm standing in front of Molly looking stunning, in front of 80 or so of our closest friends, saying these vows that were born in the very center of my heart....I DON'T HAVE A CHANCE. This is the most difficult "Double Dare" that could ever be created. Physical challenges are one thing. Emotional challenges are another. Physical + Emotional challenges together equals impossible. I'm certain tears are going to pop out of the corner of my eyes. I say pop because they will escape resistance. Once that happens I might not recover. Wait, am I saying my vows first or is she? Dammit I can't remember the order. If I have to listen to her say her vows and I go second I.will.never.make.it. This ceremony could take forever. I'll be choking over my own tongue and sniffles. No one wants to see or hear that. Maybe I I'll make that a "no picture zone" for the cameraman. Yes, that's a good idea. Ok it's time to get back to the vows. Read them through 100 more times and hit save as "FINAL VOWS."

My 3 Main Concerns 10 days Until the Wedding

2011-08-25T05:05:00.000-07:00

10 days until our wedding day! Yep the last time we can say a double digit number in the countdown to our big day. Crazy. Stupid. Excited.

In the waning days until we say "I do" there are three. Count them. Three things that are on my radar now: 1.) Weather 2.) Zits 3.) Bruises/scratches

People keep asking if things are crazy and if the final details associated with wedding planning are driving me crazy and I must say, "no." We have this party under control. Let's be honest if you're freaking out 10 days before your wedding day you haven't planned very well. Eighty-eight(88) people are attending our wedding. That is like an overgrown dinner party compared to what I'm used to planning. Having worked with Notre Dame Women's Basketball I have planned some major events in my time. For example, I coordinated six (6) buses of season ticket holders to watch Ruth Riley's Miami Sol team play Niele Ivey's Indiana Fever team square off. That's 6 buses X 48 seats=288 people traveling for the day. Yes I still remember because that was a lot for a 24 year old to organize. Another example: running women's basketball camps all summer included managing over 500+ kids in dorms, managing their parents, organizing their schedules, food, and transportation. Now that's a lot of planning! 88 people at our wedding=cake.

So back to the top 3 concerns: 1) Weather, 2) Zits, and 3) Bruises/Scratches

1. WEATHER: We are having an outside wedding ceremony. The grounds are beautiful. The grass is manicured like a nice golf course with a bright, white pergola. All will be fantastic as along as it doesn't rain or there isn't 50mph winds. Having an outside wedding is always risky but we thought Labor Day Weekend might provide good weather. I haven't thought much about the weather until these last couple days. When people find out we're having an outside ceremony they immediately ask, "what if there's bad weather?" Of course, we have a back-up plan if there's bad weather but WHO ASKS THAT? My mom was a worry wart about the weather for the first 6 months. I mean we can't do anything about the weather people. It will work or it won't. If the weather is bad we'll take it inside and it will still be awesome. Sooooo why have I thought more about the weather these past couple days you might be asking? Well, I guess because the 10-day forecast is in range now. Not that those forecasts are correct. They rarely predict accurately but I'm still drawn to check the 10-day forecast. I mean the weather will either be good or not, right? The ceremony will either be outside or inside. So what! Stop talking about it! Stop making me crazy! The weather is out of our control! Ok enough about the weather but if you're curious here's the link to Saugatuck, MI's weather.

2. ZITS: Dear Mother Nature/ Zit Gods, I would really appreciate it if you could take away all possibilities of zits on my face, neck, and back during the wedding weekend. Thanks- hugs and kisses, Heather. No really, I fully believe in the power of Photoshop but no software will take away blemishes captured by our guests' cameras. Nope, those will live on in Facebook land. I can't really worry about this. I can only wash my face like I always do and try my best to avoid unsightly blemishes. Zits are somewhat out of my control. So how about if you're coming to the wedding and you see a zit on me you take a picture of whatever part of my body that doesn't have a zit. Yes that means there maybe photos without my face but we'll just label them artistic, ok? Maybe a nice shot of my elbow? Real good then.

3. Bruises/Scratches: Coming up on the big day I am hyper aware of any marks on my body even beyond any potential zits. I play ice hockey and 'rassle with the Rosa and Sammy so I occasionally have bruises and scratches on me from hits, falls, toe nails, etc. Lately I have tried to be more careful about my level of rowdiness. Since when have I been a "porcelain doll?" Good thing is my hockey try-outs are over and we don't start up again until 9/10. Rosa and Samy are attempting to cooperate with the ban on 'rassling but sometimes they forget the new sanctions. Hopefully I can protect my limbs from looking like bruised fruit for a few more days.

I suppose if these 3 things are my only concerns 10 days until the wedding than we are in pretty good shape. Stay tuned for more wedding adventures. Another update will happen this Friday, 8/26.

CAREER COUNSELOR MAXWELL

2011-08-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

This blog asks why don't guidance counselors tell you the truth when you're in high school and ? Ok, we might not have listened anyway but seriously. Remember back to when you were determining what you were going to be when you grew up when you had very limited life experience and no idea about how it was in the real world paying your own bills???

You were probably in high school and a lot of people were getting caught up in the crazy tidal wave of trying to pick a college. Many were heavily influenced by their parents' alma maters, proximity to home, where their parents could afford to send them, what school colors looked cutest on them, where their test scores allowed them to go, etc. You ended up at a place of higher education (I'm losing this term loosely because I already have another blog brewing about the false promises of college type places of allegedly high education) and you tried to determine what you would major in which would somewhat determine your career. You needed to determine your major quickly so you could graduate in 4 years so you could rush out into the world and be free.

False. Lies. Deception.

For all intensive purposes I am a market researcher. Never in my wildest dreams did I say, "when i grow up I want to work with food companies and help create the new foods of the future." Nope. It never crossed my mind but I love it! The only options I was aware of were jobs associated with the stereotypical role playing we engage in as kids (not that type of role playing! where the hell did you grow up?) such as firemen, policemen, doctor, business person, hair stylist, the military, teachers, grocery store clerks, babysitters, etc. But none of these jobs were ever interesting to me. My parents worked in factories and that didn't seem that interesting to me either.

Truthfully, I don't even remember ever asking my guidance counselor about what career path I should take. I didn't ask my parents either. Somehow I felt like I was supposed to figure this out on my own. We did a couple career surveys to help you discover potential career paths but come on those things are so vague. Mine would say something like...you need a job where you work with people sometimes and alone sometimes...you need freedom to express creativity and individuality within broad guardrails. Actually I am probably giving those career surveys too much credit with those remarks because I have discovered those requirements via trial and error, I mean through job experience.

Confession: In college I started out as an elementary education major. No joke. I know. Keep laughing. My rationale: June, July, and August. Oh and people always told me I was creative so I should be an elementary teacher. Really? That's the best they could come up with? I ditched that after one semester. Then I wandered over to the business school. Why? Because business majors make Oprah dough or at least that's what I thought. There was no money with the education folks. Next stop: Information Systems. Homo say whuuuuuttttt? I took many IS classes and did well. Then I talked to the head of the IS classes and he said this, "Heather, you have way to much personality to be writing code for a computer." Strike two.

I really wondered what the hell I was going to be when I grew up. I knew I had to get outta college with a degree in 4 years because that's all my basketball scholarship was going to cover. Think Heather, think. Hmm, well I had all my general credits completed and quite a few in the business school so I need to stay in the business school. Then I landed on marketing and I LOVED IT. Not the sales part of marketing. I mean sure that's part of it but I was interested in the psychology behind. Why do people by all the crazy shit they buy? I was fascinated my how people rationalized their choices. A match made in heaven. I had no idea what career my marketing degree was going to translate into but I knew I loved what I was doing. Oh yeah, those Information Systems classes turned into a minor and I was wearing the cap and gown in 4 years as the first college graduate from my immediate family. Yes sirrreeeee Bob I got me some edukashun.

What does all this mean? Well even though it sounds like B.S. when people tell you to "follow your heart" and do something that interests you---LISTEN! When people said this to me I shook my head yes with affirmation but in my head I was thinking, "Yeah right! Show me the money." I do believe the money and opportunities flow from you engaging in your passion whatever that might be. Trust me you don't need that much money to be happy. Research has shown the point of diminishing returns is at $40K. People with more money aren't happier.

My dad used to say, "Jobs just pay the bills. Work isn't supposed to be fun that's why it's called work. You only have to be there 40-50 hours a week." I love my dad but I couldn't DISAGREE more. 40-50 hours a week working is more waking time then I will spend with my Molly and the mongrels so I better like what I am doing and the people I work with. Turns out I can't just work for a paycheck. I need a little something more. Life on cruise control just isn't for me. Plus there are too many careers I can have before my ride is over and I'm retired. There are so many companies to work for. I bet the next job I will have isn't even created yet. Maybe I will create it. Man, the possibilities are endless.

U CAN'T SOLVE IT ALONE

2011-08-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

First let me say nothing in this blog is going to be revolutionary. As a matter of fact you might think, "well that was a 'duh' blog from a PhD." However, you might laugh as you share in the thought process.

In the past week I've been reminded of 2 things: 1) We accomplish very little alone=Collaboration is how we get BIG things done and 2) Jobs are all about fixing things and solving problems.

Collaboration
I remember this day like it was yesterday (and trust me it was many, many years ago). I was in the 6th grade and in my history class we were assigned a large group project. I was pissed this group project (insert a middle schooler rolling her eyes) was worth a large portion of our grade. I just knew I was going to be grouped with a bunch of non-motivated slackers and I was going to have to do all the work or my grade would suffer. Being paired with slower students was a pattern I was all to familiar with so why would this be any different. As the groups were announced my hypothesis came true. Before my teacher was done announcing all the groups I was forming my argument as to why I needed to be with a different group. After class I asked her if I could speak with her for a second. I even gave up valuable P.E. time for this conversation! I shared my frustration concerning my group composition and asked if I could do all the work required of the group if I could just be my own group. Given this was a history class, I also told her it just didn't seem American that I would work so hard for everyone else to free load and get an "A." *sigh* I can only imagine what was going through my teacher's head. I am sure she wanted to ring my little neck but she didn't. I distinctly remember her listening to my argument and then saying this calmly, "Heather, I can understand your concern but true leaders lead and work with whoever is on their team. Strong leaders get more out of their teammates than they every thought they could give." Then I remember this competitive "I'll show you" fire shoot through my veins. I thought, "You're daring me?!? HA! I'm going to get an 'A' despite you." Ahhh the irony. She was leading me and went on to lead my team.

To this day my default when I simply being reactive instead of strategic is to pull hard on my bootstraps and get it all done myself BUT when I am at my best I take the time to engage others and collaborate to do more than I could ever do by myself. It's so much more rewarding to work in teams compared to working in isolation. Don't get me wrong, I still favor being a part of high performing teams but who wouldn't? The point is we accomplish very little in isolation and if you disagree you're probably missing out on a lot.

Solving Problems
The other day I was sitting at my desk getting pelted with emails asking me questions about consumers. It was Monday and let's face it Monday's are just crazy since everyone is trying to get their agenda for the week done in one day. I asked myself, "Why does everyone just come to me with problems?" Then I tried to think if jobs that people wouldn't come to you with problems:

A doctor? Not really. People mostly visit you when they're sick
A policewoman? Nope. There are always problems when the cops show up.
Lawyer? Always issues when lawyers are present.
Real Estate? People need to buy a house or sell a house
Performer? Maybe the closest example, but then fans want you to sing away their worries
Veterinarian? Nope. That means the animal is sick.
Teacher? The problem is the kids need to learn and they don't want to.
Salesman? Gotta hit quotas
Mechanic? Only broken cars or cars that need service visit you.

Then I realized the questions in my emails aren't problems to solve. No sirree, they are mysteries to solve. Yes, that's it! The brand teams give me a few clues and then I need to solve the mystery. See it's all about re-framing. I may sound sarcastic right now but I really mean it. I enjoy solving business problems and consumer mysteries but sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I misinterpret these questions as problems and not puzzles to solve.

So when you're feeling overwhelmed think about how you're framing up your situation. You might need to look again with fresh eyes.

1ST ANNUAL NAPERVILLE SUMMER OLYMPICS

2011-08-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

This Saturday was the 1st annual Naperville Summer Olympics. Five countries participated and it was a blast. As adults we work hard and I firmly believe that we must play hard as well.

Here was the timeline for the Olympics but it didn't go exactly as planned.
2:00PM Opening Ceremonies- Bios will be read
2:30PM Competition begins; Podium photos (top 3) and national anthem played for the gold medalists for each event.
5:30PM Dinner/drinks

These were the participating countries:
The United States of America= Heather M. + Molly
Italy= Natalie + Heather P.
Dominican Republic= Chad + Brian
Germany= Steph + Jim
Ireland= Daniel + Meaghan

Here's what each team was instructed to do in preparation for the Olympics:
1. BIO: Each participant should send Heather your hometown and three (3) bullets for your opening ceremony bio reading to introduce you to the world. These bullets can be anything to explain your talents and why you may or may not dominate in the events.
2. DRESS: Appropriate dress for your country- The colors of your flag at a minimum. Get fancy people.
3.DRINKS- Please bring a 12 pack of beer from your country and whatever else you would like to drink. In short some to share and the rest is BYOB.
4.FOOD: Please bring a side dish from your country for dinner. Since we are AMERICA we will grill the burgers, brats, chicken, etc.

There was an assortment of Olympic events in order to expose the strengths and weaknesses of each team:
1.100m sprint- 1 person from each team competes
2.Best of 20 free throws- each team member shoots 10, best combined % wins
3.Beer Chug- one representative from each team chugs a wiffle bat full of beer and must hit a fair ball from their partner's toss
4.Football throw- Each team member throws the ball as far as possible, combined distance=score
5.Water balloon toss- Keep taking a step back and tossing to your partner until last man standing. All balloons will be filled equally.
6.Penny Can- Each team will receive 30 pennies total and each team member will toss 15 pennies into a can from the assigned seats.
7.Puzzle- Who can put together their 100 piece puzzle the fastest? We’ll see.
8.Random Karaoke Contest- Select a song out of the hat and perform, must include singing and dancing
9.Bean Bags aka Corn Hole- Double elimination tourney

Scoring: 1st place=5 pts, 2nd place=4 pts, 3rd place=3 pts., 4th place=2 pts, and last place=1 pt.

By the end of the night this simple math was quite difficult. As mentioned in the schedule above, after 3 events we took a rest and had the podium finishers for each event take photos and the 1st place team received a very special 1st place bracelet with a gold star and listened to their national anthem. Most teams didn't know their national anthem, except Molly and I (Team USofA). The winner of the overall Olympics received a metal key trophy that unlocks the city of Naperville. Very special, to be coveted.

FINAL STANDINGS

WNNER: Dominican Republic (27)
2nd Place: USA (26)
3rd place= Italy (25)
4th place= Ireland (24)
5th place= Germany (16)

Top 12 Memories of the Day

1. Chad kicking in excitement for his team's win in the Football toss and ripping the crotch out of this shorts. Quote: "Oh no. I don't even have on cute underwear."

2. All the countries walking to the park in our neighborhood and having people driving, walking, and mowing their yards just stare at us with confusing looks.

3. All the women outshooting all the men in the free throw contest. Good thing Molly and are lesbos. We dominated.

4. Daniel and Meaghan's karaoke/dance performace. Enough said.

5. Molly running from the park with the cooler on her back to refill it with beer. She was high stepping and pumping her fist because she thought everyone was cheering "Go! Goooo!" but really we were all yelling "No! Noooo!"

6. Natalie, Meaghan, and Brian (aww nurturers) all helping Molly finish our 100 piece puzzle since we were dead last while I was trying to desperately count how many points we needed in the final events to win the Olympics.

7. Team Italy and Team USA attempting to play the FINAL Bean Bag game in the dark while sharing a mosquito candle to shed light on the hole.

8. Everyone yelling at their partner when their balloon burst in the balloon toss. It's a kids' game until it breaks.

9. The mosquitos. Those bitches won in the end. Natalie of Team Italy counted 83 on her alone. Um, that's a high price to pay for 3rd place.

10. Daniel "showing Meaghan how to toss the penny" as he proceeded to get 0/15 into the can. Meaghan just shaking her head and asking me how many he just got in the can. (The wiffle bat chug may have impaired his penny tossing ability).

11. Steph throwing the football farther than Jim then taunting him about losing his man card.

12. Chad blowing everyone away in the 100m sprint while giggling and taunting us. Meaghan saying during the sprint, "Holy shit I'm in last place. Am I really in last place?"

Thanks for a great event everyone. It's a rare treat to get your adult friends to play for an entire day and I mean play hard like you did when you were kids...to really put yourself out there (when was the last time you sprinted 100 meters?)...to let yourself enjoy life and play like a champion. Judging by the texts/voicemails/emails I received today, you had a great time. The best text of the day that sums it all up, "I'm so sore. And horse. And my chest is purple."

30 DAYS OUT

2011-08-04T05:24:00.000-07:00

Our wedding is in 30 days. Three.Zero.Days.

Whenever we create 30-60-90 day plans at work I always think 30 days seems pretty fast and in the case of our wedding I think that's really fast. There are so few days left I can almost visualize what I have going on each day. My linear memory stinks so being able to remember all this information chronologically is a sure sign THE BIG DAY IS ALMOST HERE! As Molly and I discussed the flow/timing of the wedding weekend I had another pressing thought. It was a little random but would you expect anything less from me?

THE CONCERN: When dancing in my wedding dress no one will see my legs so I will have to do more "dancing with my arms."My legs will be hidden.

I googled "learn how to dance with your arms" and this is what I found...

"When learning how to dance, try moving your arms. When you think you can feel the beat, relax your arms and try moving them around in time to the music:
•Swing your arms naturally with your feet, bending slightly at the elbows.
•Raise your arms up above your head, then down by your sides."

Um, this is not helpful. What motion am I supposed to make? All I keep thinking about is how dumb "walking like an Egyptian" looks. :) It's not looking good for me. Maybe some disco? Doesn't the move to "Staying Alive" primarily use the arms pointing up and down. Now I may be onto something.

R.I.P. AIR CONDITIONER

2011-08-02T19:29:00.001-07:00

Rest in Peace old air conditioner. We've been in our house for almost a year and you served us for two summers. However, this past Friday you passed away. You blew your compressor. You may been angry because you had to work so hard during the repeated 100 degree plus days. It's not our fault. Talk to Mother Nature. During your autopsy it was revealed that you were 21 years old. While that may be young for humans that's old for an air conditioner. You had a good life but we had to replace you. Thank you for at least making it through the hottest days; however, I cursed you Friday evening, all day Saturday, all day Sunday, and part of Monday. It was hot as hell in our house. The thermostat read between 80-86. The evenings didn't get much better. I was constantly sitting in front of the fan with not enough clothes on. It would have been awkward if someone who have rang the doorbell. The dogs were in full on pant. Sammy even got so hot he took off his collar and refused to wear it until the air conditioner worked.

One time I attempted to workout in the sauna, I mean house, and that was a mistake. I was sweating during the workout and I continued to sweat for the next 3 hours after despite a cold shower. Not good. We were lucky and after a few estimates we secured a new air conditioner and furnace. Why the furnace too? I'll tell you later in this post. The dead air conditioner is below. We affectionately call it "the Beast" or "Tank" (below).

I don't know what people do without air conditioners. Seriously how do people live without air?? I have always had central air and once you have air you just can't go back. No way. Not me.

Here's the new air conditioner. We'd like to welcome the new addition to the family, a 2.5 ton Carrier air conditioner (below). Notice how much smaller it is. Isn't that crazy? I guess that's technology for you. It's working like a dream. It took Perfect Air Heating & Air Conditioning (their website) about 8 hours to rip out our old equipment and install the new equipment. They were very nice and professional. In a world where good customer service is rarely provided this company exceeded our expectations.

The old furnace was 18 years old (see below). Could it have made it a few more years. Maybe. Who knows. It was getting old too. Ultimately we saved money by getting them both replaced at the same time so we made the investment since we'll be in this house for awhile. The furnace is on it's side because it lives under our house. There isn't enough head space for it to stand vertically.

Here's the new furnace (below). Again, notice how much smaller it is compared to the old furnace above. It's good piece of mind to know both units are brand new but who anticipates big things like these dying? Few people. It's a lot of money to pay for seemingly invisible benefits. You FEEL the benefit of the cool air and the hot air in the winter but they aren't very sexy purchases. Also, not a cool expense when you're shelling out dough for a wedding in 32 days.

Being the research nerd that I am I can't wait track our bills pre and post new air conditioner and furnace. I hope these new units save us in the bill department. Currently we have the air on 75 degrees and it's freezing. That's amazing. In short, treat your air conditioner and furnace with love. Make sure you get them serviced so they will keep providing the temperature you desire. You have no idea what you have till they're gone. ;-)

The New Fitness Challenge

2011-07-29T14:31:00.000-07:00

152.9

The 6-month challenge came to a close at the end of June and I had lost 8 pounds. Then I started the Insanity 60 day workout program. Read the enthusiastic blog by clicking here.

I'm on my 6th week of Insanity workouts. They are tough but I love them. Today I actually terminated our Lifetime Fitness membership. Lifetime is awesome. It's nothing against them. It's about the most results for the money. We were paying $110/month for the membership and the Insanity DVDs cost $120 total. Molly and I are both seeing great results. When I look at the scale my weight isn't decreasing as much as I would like BUT I am so much stronger and I am startig to see a 6 pack of abs without even doing a stupid crunch on the floor. I know that sounds like an infomercial but I just can't say enough about these stupid workout DVDs. You might be thinking...well that's nice Heather but what are you going to do after the 60 day workout is over? We will still use these DVDs to workout to mix it up but we just ordered Hip Hop Abs DVDs. It sounds crazy but it's the same workout leader, Shaun T, and I don't mind looking at him.

On the Diet Coke front and my goal of drinking one each day. I have slipped up a couple times and had 2 Diet Cokes in one day but for the most part I have reached my goal for over a month. I started decreasing my Diet Coke intake on June 19th. I'm at my weakest when there is unlimited free Diet Coke like at Focus Groups. Oooooooh man, they stock those fridges chock full of the glistening silver cans. *le sigh*

37 days until the wedding so we'll see how much more these Insanity Workouts can help this body. :)

KEY TAKEAWAY: LOCK YOUR DOORS

2011-07-12T04:50:00.000-07:00

I enjoy living in Naperville. It's a great burb of Chicago so don't interpret this blog as complaining. It's more a blog poking fun at "crime" that happens in this safe little suburb. I receive emails documenting "crime" in the city. As I browsed the crimes from July 8-10 I couldn't help but laugh at the trend of "crimes" happening when doors of cars and homes were UNLOCKED. Ya think?? Hmmm. In the list of crimes below I highlighted in yellow crimes associated with unlocked cars and homes and highlighted in green reports that were just funny. For example, a few residents reporting graffiti judge the art by using descriptors such as "poor attempt" and "crude attempt." It's also interesting how people reported someone rummaging through their personal items but no theft. My favorite theft is the half bottle of Patron Tequila. Seriously?

Naperville Police & FirePolice Blotter: Stolen Tequila, Warrant Arrests, Driving Under the Influence (July 8-10)

A 40-year-old man in the 2200 block of Foxboro Lane reported that someone entered his unlocked car between 6 p.m. Thursday and 7:30 a.m. Friday and rifled through it. Nothing was missing, police said.

A 20-year-old man in the 2700 block of Fairhauser Road reported that between 9:30 and 10 p.m. Wednesday a thief took cash and a drivers license from an unlocked vehicle, police said.

Property damage
A 62-year-old man in the 1200 block of Yorkshire Drive reported that between 10:30 p.m. Thursday and 3 p.m. Friday a vandal threw eggs at the front of his home, tagged his rear fence facing Plank Road and in black spray paint wrote “Wil Shorty” and also made a “poor attempt at some kind of symbol,” police said.

A 22-year-old man in the 1200 block of Yorkshire Drive reported that between 10:30 p.m. Thursday and 3 p.m. Friday a rear fence facing Plank Road had a “crude attempt at an upside-down crown, with three points” spray painted in black paint, police said.

Burglary
A 64-year-old man in the 1200 block of Laurel Lane reported that between 11 p.m. July 4 and 7:45 a.m. July 5 an intruder entered his home through an unlocked garage door and took cash and alcohol, police said.

Vehicle burglarized
A 69-year-old man in the 2300 block of New Haven Court reported that at 10:39 p.m. his garage door opener and an unknown amount of loose change was stolen from an unlocked vehicle parked in the driveway of the residence, police said.

A 48-year-old man reported in the 1300 block of Saxon Lane that someone entered a 2005 Volkswagen parked in the driveway through the driver’s side door but did not steal anything, police said.

Lost phone
A 22-year-old woman reported that she lost her phone around 11 p.m. near Washington Street and Chicago Avenue, police said. She called her phone and an unknown man answered and refused to return the phone.

Stolen property
A 54-year-old man in the 700 block of Burning Tree Lane reported a gas grill was taken from his patio between July 5 and Saturday, police said.

A 30-year-old man in the 1200 block of Chalet Road reported that between 11 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. someone entered his home without force and took two iPods and iPod Nano, an xBox 36, an xBox controller, a Playstation portable and one half-full bottle of Patron Silver Tequila, police said.

INSANITY WORKOUT/WEIGHT PROGRESS

2011-07-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

154.4

There are many updates on the Health & Wellness front.

1. I have had only ONE CAN OF DIET COKE each day since June 19th. This is a major accomplishment since I was having at least 3 cans per day for a few years.

2. I started the Insanity workout videos about 16 days ago. GREAT RESULTS. I'll explain more below.

3. I am in the best cardio shape I've been in for A LONG TIME.

So here's the graph of the weight progression since this past January. The journey started with a membership to Lifetime Fitness. I was swimming, using the elliptical,running, and attending an occasional fitness class. I'm still not back into the lifting weights schtick. Not sure if I'll get back there. Instead of solely tracking my weight I should have tracked measurements around my waist, quads, and arms. This weight chart shows some improvement but it doesn't account for the lean muscle mass that's traded spots with chub. My body has transformed in many ways from cardio endurance to more strength and the beginning of dare I say some cuts returning to my arms, legs, and abs?!!!!! I'll trade muscle for a higher absolute weight any day!

Next I must share with you my Insanity workout DVD experience. Look, I've never been a workout class chick. I did enjoy a kettle bell class I took in Minneapolis but that was with 2 other people, it kicked my ass, and it was nothing like Jazzercise. One night I got all hopped up on the potential of the P90X DVD workout and I bought it. I tried those workouts and I HATED THEM. I sold the DVDs to a friend and I hope she's had more luck. Too many pull-ups and push-ups for this laydee.

Now I'm trying Insanity and it's been challenging...scratch that...it's been hard. Shaun T is the leader of the workouts and I HATED him for a solid 3 days in between trying to keep up with him and not pass out. Shaun T and I are friends now but it took a couple weeks. What I love about the workouts is they are interval training so you go hard for a few minutes and take a 30 second break. As you read 30 second break you may have gotten excited. I know I did when I first read about the program but I'm here to tell you that 30 SECONDS IS NOTHING. Every 15 days or so you take a Fit Test to monitor your progress. After my first Fit Test I wondered if I could do these workouts but what a difference 15 days has made. I so wish I would have taken a BEFORE photo. I can't believe how different my body feels. Shaun T is always reminding me to breathe, keep form, and engage my core. I still don't know how he catches me forgetting to breathe and let my core hang but every time he reminds me he catches me! Also, I'm encouraged with Shaun T's other workout buddies who look like ripped machines start to break form and he makes them stop and get a drink. I hate when workout people never show a crack and keep that super hard smile going strong the whole damn time. I want to punch them in the face. There are two things that Shaun T says in the videos that I don't like. The good part is he only says them once, the bad part is they are recorded in the video and they will always be there-they will never go away. Shaun T says, "Man, ya'll I'm not gonna lie I'm nervous to do this Pure Cardio workout." HELLO, I don't want to here Shaun T say he's nervous. I'M NERVOUS! NOT YOU! YOU ARE A RIPPED MACHINE!! I'M GOING TO HEAR MY THIGHS CLAP! Ugh. I want him to encourage and pump me up, not share fear! lol He also walks up to one of his workout ladies (the one I despise and I don't even know her) and says, "Come on! Isn't it true you never even wore a sports bra before starting Insanity?!" HELLO, I DON'T WANT TO THINK THIS AMATEUR IS KICKING MY ASS!!!! I WANT TO THINK SHE WAS AN OLYMPIAN! ;-)

Above, is the chart I made showing my progress from the first Fit Test to the second Fit Test. Overall great improvement. I'm proud of myself. I'm heading into my 3rd week...only 5 more weeks to go!!

OPRAH'S TOP 10: THINGS SHE KNOWS FOR SURE

2011-06-28T04:42:00.000-07:00

My O magazine subscription is expiring so Oprah sent me a letter to try to get me to renew. Of course that Oprah is crafty. She offered me a "Live your best life" bag and she provided her top 10 list of things she knows for sure. She must know how much I love information like this. I shake my fist at you, Crafty Oprah, and yes I sent my renewal slip. I thought you might like the top 10 list or even just a couple on the list. Enjoy!

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is Oprah's creed).
2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.
3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou).
5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
6. What you believe has more power that what you dream, wish, or hope for. You become what you believe.
7. If the only prayer you ever say is "thank you," that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart).
8. The happiness you feel is in direct proporportion to the love you give.
9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.
10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.

WOW THOSE CIGGY LABELS ARE SCARY

2011-06-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is behind the biggest change to cigarette packs in 25 years. By the Fall of 2012 cigarette packs will have a new label warning smokers of the harmful effects of smoking cigarettes. There are nine different labels that wil be used but here are a few of my favorites:

I can remember the day that kept me from ever smoking like it was yesterday. It was in middle school and during health class we had a guest speaker who was talking to use through a hole in his throat. Done. Never smoking. That gargle of a voice scared the shit out of me.

Thankfully neither of my parents smoked; however, most of my grandparents did smoke. One smoked Lucky Strikes and the others smoked an assortment of cigarettes and cigars. For some reason I remember seeing Swisher Sweets with the white filters.

I have nothing against smokers who smoke by themselves or with other smokers. I DO have a problem with smokers who:

Smoke in cars with children in them (especially in the winter when the windows are rolled up.)

Smoke in the presence of non smokers in confined spaces (I get it's your house but my eyes are now blood shot.

Throw their cigarette butts out the window (This is littering and I'm against littering. period.)

Smoke packs a day but can't really afford food and other basic necessities

Looking at these labels I couldn't help but think what food/beverage products will be getting death labels by the time I'm too old to reverse any of the damage. My guess is soda especially diet soda will be the next thing to get death labels. Think about it...diet coke cans already have a label that reads, "Phenylketonurics: Contains Phenylalanine." That can't be good...

I guess this has been on my mind lately because I had a similar rant about diet coke in a blog this past February. (Click here to read.)

Challenge Update- End of 24th Week

2011-06-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

152.3

The 6-month challenge is coming to a close and after 24 weeks of watching what I eat (a little more than before) and working out, I have lost 8 pounds. Remember my goal wasn't to go on some crazy deprivation diet. The goal was to slowly trim some marblelized fat off me body. (When I speak in a pseudo Irish accent it makes me less grossed out. lol)

As this 6 month challenge is winding down I am stepping into a new challenge. I started the 60 day Insanity Program this week. I am in a motivated place since losing the 8 pounds and feel like I ramp up the activity. Well I got my wish Insanity really is insane. It feels like basketball preseason workouts everyday. It's difficult but I already feel stronger. Is that even possible? I don't care if it's mental. It feels good.

Another change I am trying is eating 5 smaller meals per day instead of 3 larger meals. I am making a more concerted effort to eat more protein and less carbs too. Re-committed myself to having one diet coke a day too. The mini meals are keeping me more even keel during the day instead of my energy rising and dipping.

MY FIRST DAYS OF INSANITY

2011-06-21T07:25:00.000-07:00

So I'm trying out the Insanity workout videos led by celebrity trainer Shaun T. I now understand why he only uses an initial for his last name...because if I knew his full name I would hunt him down and strike him. The workouts are challenging and I'm only on Day 3 but Mr. Shaun T is doing the moves with ease while trash talking me. Nice. I thought I would give these videos and the nutrition plan a try. I've become a little bored with just running and the elliptical machine.

I completely understand why the workout program is called Insanity. I felt insane doing the plyometric cardio blah-blah-blah last night. I played college sports. It's not like I am a complete motor moron (Tony Rolinski, Notre Dame Strength & Conditioning, 2002) but these videos make me feel like it. I swear during one of the intervals last night my ass cheeks were clapping. I mean that literally...As I listened to them clap to the beat I thought 1) this would be really embarrassing if I was in a cardio class, 2) my core must not be tight, and 3) what would the ass clapping look like in slow motion.

The other part to insanity last night was two terriers (Sammy and Jack) watching me do this workout. The lack of coordination must have signaled to them that I was dying. Maybe I was flailing like someone drowning on land. Jack was whining and trying to lick my legs. Sammy was jumping up and down like a dog yo-yo and whining/crying. Then Jack started barking at me when I was doing moves on the ground. Seriously, when you're tired, Shaun T is trash talking you, you're hot, and the dogs are circling you like mosquitos (really more like flies on shit but I was trying to keep this blog PG13) it does not make for a good situation. I paused the video and lost my mind, yelling at those mongrels. I realyl questioned the idea of parenthood at this point. They spent the rest of the workout peacefully watching me. Note to self: Next workout put them outside. RARR!

Today I am so sore I am walking like Frankenstein. I hope I loosen up by the time I need to do the next workout tonight. I'll keep you posted on the Insanity progress. However, I must say Insanity is WAY BETTER than P90x. It's mostly cardio compared to P90x focusing on strength training. I sold my P90x videos after one cycle through them. Workouts dominated by pull ups and push ups aren't my thing.

LESSONS FROM MY DAD-HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

2011-06-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

On November 24th, 1977 you became a dad for the first time. You became MY DAD.You were 25 years old. Looking at this photo to the left, I can't imagine all the things racing through your mind as you held your newborn in your arms for the first time. In this moment I had know idea how Iucky I was to have you for my dad.

The physical traits you've passed on to me like my brown eyes and sturdy legs are obvious. Yeah, we'll call them sturdy but you know I really mean thick. :) You've also shaped me in less obvious ways. For example, you contributed to my fierce competitive spirit, athletic ability, work ethic, love for sports, cars/motorcycles, and animals. I know that "love for animals" part may detract from your tough-guy image but let's be honest you're a big teddy bear. :)

I have so many fond memories with you...too many to list. However, a couple of my favorites are riding with you on your motorcycle and watching you play softball.

To me you looked so cool on your motorcycle. No other dads could compare and I was definitely cooler in my mind because I was able to ride with my dad. Riding with you on your motorcycle was the best way to spend a Summer/Fall afternoon. I absolutely loved it. Of course, I always hoped we would visit a Dairy Queen at some point. ;) When I was too small to ride on the back you would sit me on the gas tank in front of you in between your arms. Can you believe that? I know it was the 70's- early 80's but seriously if I saw someone doing that today I might scrunch up my face and maybe think "white trash." HA HA When I was big enough to hold on and ride on the back it was a big day. I felt like such a big deal! I thought about these rides yesterday when I was putting my scooter in the garage. I know a scooter is a far cry from your motorcycles over the years but you're the reason I even thought I could get a motorcycle license. Having and riding that scooter is like having a little piece of you with me.

Sports have always been a part of our family. Some of my earliest sports memories are playing entire family Wiffle ball games at Grandma and Grandpa Maxwell's house and watching you play softball. Ok, my motivation may have been initially linked to food again- there was always the chance that I could get candy from the concession stand. Funny that even if you said "no" one of your teammates would always pass me change. :) I remember seeing you in your uniform and putting on your cleats with the other guys in the grass field of cars and thinking "people in sports uniforms are cool." Whenever you were on the field or up to bat time would stand still. I couldn't miss a moment. In my mind you might hit a homerun and I wasn't going to miss it!

As time passed, our roles changed. You were shuttling me all over rural Central Illinois to play softball on the White Heath summer team. This was my first time playing organized sports. It was during the summer after 6th grade. I would wait anxiously all day for you to pick me up at Mom's house after work. Whenever a game was cancelled I was just devastated, partly because I didn't get to play softball but mostly because we weren't going to hang out. It started with summer softball but continued on with sports year round in high school. You were always in the stands. As I now work full-time, I more fully appreciate the time you put in taking me to and attend all those games after a long day.

I want to leave you with a few Don Maxwell lessons:
1. TAKE CARE OF THINGS AND THEY'LL LAST A LONG TIME. My dad has lots of tools, electrical gadgets, and gas-powered toys. He would always tell my brother and I that if you take of things you can enjoy them for a long time. This chat normally happened when he was rinsing off the lawn mower blades. Rinsing off the blades was a perfect way to savor a nice looking fresh cut lawn. I rinse off the mower before putting it back in the shed to this day. Dad was always referring to taking care of tangible things he owned but the same lessons apply to people and relationships. If you take care of the people you love, your relationships will last a long time.

2. PROBLEM SOLVING DOESN'T NEED TO BE COMPLICATED. It may sounds cliche but I swear my dad can fix anything so when something breaks I often call him. Yes, I still fall for the whole "is it making a strange sound? Well, what does it sound like?" questioning. I still attempt to make the sound, simultaneously sounding like an idiot. My dad taught me how to simplify situations so I can isolate the problem and fix it. When things break I am getting better and better and figuring out how to fix them. They don't intimidate me and I don't pay overpriced service people to fix them (unless I have to). Again, this lesson is applicable to relationships. If I'm having an issue with someone I try to identify why I'm having the issue, is it me, them or a combination? It's trickier with people and relationships but often thinking and talking things through is more than half the battle.

3. WORK HARD. I was taught that if you want something work hard and go get it. My dad's idea of work ethic is the epitome of the American Dream. If I wasn't getting playing time in sports my dad's answer was always "practice more and get better. Make the coach have to play you." He never blamed coaches. To this day I will not be out worked but I also realize that a lot of "getting what you want" is achieved through networking, personal relationships, goal setting, and timing. You can work as hard as you want but you still need other people to make it happen. I guess you could say I've added a few layers to my dad's work ethic training.

4. TELL PEOPLE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM OR APPRECIATE THEM. People are so quick to complain and criticize but we often forget to tell people when we appreciate or love them. My dad isn't the biggest feeling communicator but when he does it means so much. I decided that I didn't need to be so selective in giving people positive feedback. Trust me, this is something I've had to work at over the years. I always assumed if people did a good job they knew it so why do I need to stroke their egos. This simply isn't true. People appreciate hearing they've done a good job or reassured they are loved and supported. You can change the course of someone's day by taking the time to thank them or let them know they've done a great job. I've decided that I don't want people to make assumptions about what I think of them or their work...I want them to know because I told them.

5. SAVE MONEY: NEED vs. WANT. My dad calls it "refrigerator money." It's money you have saved in case the refrigerator breaks. The refrigerator is symbolic of any unexpected expense. The bigger picture learning is my dad taught me to save now- sacrifice now so you are prepared later. No joke, when I got my first job at 13 years old he was telling me to put away 15% for retirement. I laughed at him then and bought new basketball shoes but I got the message. He taught me the difference between NEED and WANT. He taught me that money provides independence. If you are financially stable you can make better long term decisions because you're focus is far-sighted instead of near-sighted. I'm so thankful for his fiscal guidance.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. See I have been listening. :) I appreciate our relationship and friendship. I hope you're enjoying your fishing trip right now. I'm looking forward to the Cubs/Cards game @ Wrigley this August!! Love, Heather

COACH McGRAW LIFE LESSONS

2011-06-11T04:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend my former boss, Muffet McGraw, is being inducted into the Women’s Basketball Hall of Fame. The descriptor of “boss” doesn’t begin to capture her role in my development nor the immense respect and appreciation I have for her.

It was the Fall of 2000, I was one year out of college and 22 years old when she hired me to be a marketing assistant on her basketball staff. The main purpose for the position was to increase the women’s basketball fan base. This job was the perfect combination for me as I played basketball in college and majored in marketing. I felt like the luckiest person in the world just having the opportunity to interview for the position, accepting the job was a dream come true. I remember pulling into the Joyce Center parking lot on my first day in complete awe. I was so hungry to pack the JACC with as many fans as I could. Little did I know by the end of my first season with the program they would win the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP and I would be promoted to Director of Basketball Operations.

Overall I worked for Coach McGraw for five fantastic seasons. Over the course of those five years there were many accomplishments that I’m still proud of:
1. Created assigned seating
2. Developed season ticket packages
3. Increased attendance by 300%
4. Increased the quantity of summer camps from 3 camps to 6 camps (added point guard camp, post camp, and team camp)
5. The first paid sell-out game (UCONN, 1/15/2011…I still celebrate the date)
6. Helping rank ND women’s basketball in the Top 10 nationally for attendance

Along my journey of life I’ve had many bosses. I always learn so much from each one, sometimes what to do and often what not to do. Having worked for Coach McGraw there are five things that are now a part of my DNA, influencing me daily.
1. On time=Late. Be early or be left.
2. Sense of urgency-Bias for action
3. Know your elevator pitch cold.
4. Chemistry is important.
5. Be specialized.

ON TIME=LATE. BE EARLY OR BE LEFT
One of the first “Coach McGraw rules” I learned was if she says be somewhere at 3:00PM, you better be there by at least 2:45PM. If you thought you were on time by arriving at 3:00PM you were 15 minutes late. Patience is not one of Coach’s virtues. The “15 minute rule” was exercised a few times when players showed up late for the bus ride to the airport. People were left no matter if they were the walk-on, All-American, or assistant coach. Yep, the “15 minute rule” provided equal opportunity for being left behind.

In Corporate America, where I now work, nothing starts on time. I would arrive for meetings “early” and other meetings were still using the conference room I was going to meet in. The attendees for Corporate meetings show up somewhere between the exact start time and 10 minutes late.

The real key takeaway from the “on-time=late rule” is you have to be ready for opportunity. Being early, staying late, and just working hard in general puts you in the best place to run into opportunities. Having a strong work ethic and being prepared is a Maxwell family trait so I was prepared but Coach valued and reinforced the importance of these behaviors. Also, plan ahead and don’t wait until the last minute to do anything or get anywhere. Be prepared for opportunity.

SENSE OF URGENCY-BIAS FOR ACTION
I was never one to wait. I have always been in a hurry to do a lot of big, great things. I feel like I was born with a loud ticking in my ear reminding me I only have at most 100 years on this Earth. I have always been in a race with myself. BUT, when I met Coach McGraw I met my match. When she knows what she wants, she knows what she wants. She doesn’t want things done when you can get around to them. She wants them done now. A discussion about “next steps” was always closely followed with questions about the timeline to completion. Her sense of urgency and bias toward action breeds accountability. When Coach would ask if something was done my goal was to already have it completed, pleasantly surprising her and always building credibility. I always wanted to stay steps ahead of her.

The real key takeaway is determine your strategy and get things done. Understand what needs to get done, set a timeline, work toward completion, and be accountable. Now in my Corporate Life this is one quality I repeatedly receive praise for: getting a lot done in a short amount of time. My bosses marvel at my capacity to work but trust me the demands are nowhere close to the demands of running six summer basketball camps!

KNOW YOUR ELEVATOR PITCH COLD
An elevator pitch is being able to explain something in 8-10 seconds, a short “sound bite” or key takeaway. Coach McGraw is a basketball coach and I was a marketer. I ran most marketing ideas by her since she owned the budget and I never wanted her to be surprised by anything associated with her program. (Note: Yes she agreed to the Coach McGraw bobbleheads but it was begrudgingly.) Both our days were full of meetings so I would try to catch her at the end of the day to run through some ideas. She would often ask, “Can you tell me on the way to my car?”

Let me be clear, to get an idea across to her in this short walk is challenging for many reasons: 1)She walks VERY FAST, 2)Her parking spot is located close to the basketball office, 3)She has a lot on her mind, 4) I have a lot to run by her. I had to know my elevator pitch cold. I had to know what my main objective was, timing, costs, risks, opportunities, and the answers to any potential questions she might have. One time I wasn’t done talking with her so I rode with her to the edge of campus to get a little more time and ran back to the office.

The real key takeaway is know what you need to say and the way you need to say it. You might only get 8 seconds to alter your life’s course. Again in my Corporate Life this is a strength for me. I literally ride in elevators with senior leadership now and this is often a great opportunity to sell an idea or prep him/her for a future meeting. Being able to tell a succinct story or communicate a business situation efficiently is a valuable skill for any job. Influencing happens in the hallways, at lunch, drive-by conversations at your desks, and at happy hours. Influencing rarely happens in important meetings. It happens in the pre-sell. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

CHEMISTRY IS IMPORTANT
Simplistically looking at basketball, the goal is to win as many games as you can. The common strategy is to recruit the best kids you can. Scouting services scour the country and rank players on their abilities. High profile programs try to sign as many of the highly ranked recruits as their roster will hold. Before I started working at Notre Dame I knew Coach McGraw ran a successful program so when I started I wondered how she did it. How did she win so much for so long? I’ve cracked part of the code.

Part of her recruiting philosophy was, “It’s about having the right people, not always the most highly ranked people.” She wants to get to know recruits and understand who they really are as people. Their basketball talent is easy to assess, it takes a little more time and work to really understand the essence of who someone is and who they might become. This is one of Coach McGraw’s biggest talents-seeing the potential in others and believing in them before they even understand or believe how great they can be. Of course, she recruits top 20 classes but these classes always include smart gambles on kids that others’ weren’t able to see the potential in.

The real key takeaway is you can have a collection of the most talented people in the world but without chemistry and shared goals they will underachieve. Also, don’t solely rate people based on other peoples’ ratings or their technical skills because you might be missing a diamond in the rough. Sometimes you need to gamble on peoples’ potential. Every day I’m thankful Coach McGraw gambled on me as a green 22 year old. Now as I am involved in hiring folks at my company I take into account if the candidate will fit in our culture as a company and as a research function. Ultimately, any candidate we bring in can do the job but it’s their intangibles and how they could contribute to or kill our team chemistry that is makes or breaks them.

BE SPECIALIZED
Before meeting Coach McGraw I strived to be the best at everything. I was taught to work on your weaknesses to round yourself out. Coach McGraw looks for players who specialize. Of course, everyone works on their overall basketball skills but she looks for athletes who are really good at a couple dimensions of the game. Her thinking recalibrated my thoughts on my career.

While at Notre Dame I reflected on “what is my one thing I’m good at? What unique aspects do I contribute to Coach’s staff?” Anyone can tell you the Basketball Operations role is one that requires a breadth of skills. I needed to be good at a lot of things from marketing to recruiting mailers to organizing events to running camp, etc. The list goes on. The three things I was counted on for were creativity, problem solving, and energy. Toward the end of my career at Notre Dame I started reflecting again on “What one thing do I want to be known for during my career?” Ultimately, I decided I wanted to be known as a problem-solving researcher. It was a very tough decision but I left Coach’s staff and completed my PhD. Completing my degree transitioned me into research in the Corporate setting and I love it. Now I’m known as a researcher who brings a lot of creativity and energy to projects.

The real key takeaway is when the coach or hiring manager looks down the bench she should be able to quickly identify what you’re good at, what makes you different from all the other players or job candidates. There are three big buckets for differentiation: offense, defense, and heart. For offense, are you a strong driver, are you going to hit the open 3, are you a great passer, or are you a turnover machine? On defense, can you play man, do you understand zone principles, can you get a steal, or will you give up more points than you score? Concerning heart, are you going to dive for the ball, do you have resolve to accept only winning, or will you quit when it gets tough? Something needs to trip the trigger to have Coach call your number. If she sees you on the bench and thinks, “eh, she’s pretty good at A and B but her teammate is better at A and her other teammate is better at B,” then you’re going to get passed over.

In the end, these are just five of the many ways Coach McGraw has influenced my life. I’m proud to be part of her legacy and her friend. I’m so excited to attend her induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame tonight. Her record and accomplishments alone qualify her for the Hall but it’s all her intangibles that differentiate her from the other members of the Hall.
GO IRISH!

AUTHENTICITY: CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

2011-06-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend Molly and I went to the wedding of my friends, Mary and Daryl. It was in Cincinnati and it was beautiful. The weird thing: I was super excited to go to Mary's wedding.

For years I never wanted to attend weddings and I didn't want to get married. Most of my friends got married when I was working with Notre Dame women's basketball when everyone was 23-28 years old. Sad but true, it was somewhat convenient that I wasn't able to attend their weddings because their dates conflicted with our basketball camps and the heavy recruiting season.

I never really knew why but I didn't like weddings. I didn't even want to attend my own wedding back in 2001. I planned it in about 4 days total and treated it like a checklist...something you just do when you get older. Your wedding should be one of the most sacred events in your life yet it was one of the most insincere things I have ever participated in. This lack of authenticity is completely against my nature. I was raised to stand for what I believe in and be a person of my word. During that "wedding" I failed on both accounts. I learned a lot during those two years I was married but I've learned a so much more in the eight years since the divorce.

Here is the main lesson I've learned repeatedly:

Life is too short to live for someone else's expectations.

It seems so simple but it's not an easy lesson to internalize and then translate into action, living your life authentically. The truth is I wanted a wedding and I wanted to marry someone but I wanted to marry a woman and be committed to one woman for the rest of my life. This didn't seem possible so somewhere along the line I decided if marrying a man was the only way I would be accepted then I just wouldn't believe in marriage. When I made this unconscious resolution I gave into other's expectations of what a "normal" relationship looks like and who is allowed to get married. Along came Molly and my future plans changed forever. I couldn't see myself with anyone else for the rest of my life and I wanted people to know this. I wanted people to celebrate our commitment with us at our wedding. So we're getting married. I'm so excited for our friends and family to join us on our day. It feels like a new dream come true.

Of course sometimes other people can't understand or visualize your dream. Planning our wedding has been an eye-opening experience for us. So many of our friends and family have shown us support and excitement beyond our imaginations to the point of bringing me to tears....I know! Me. Crying. What? It's true. Responses like, "wouldn't miss it for the world," traveling across multiple time zones, overcoming the fear of flying, driving to Sagautuck early just in case we need any help the weekend of the wedding, etc. are so humbling. Of course, there have been disappointing responses from some family and friends as well. Molly and I process a lot through these responses yet somehow they continue to surprise us. In the end we draw strength from the disappointment and we are that much more appreciative of all our loved ones who will be there for us in attendance and spirit. We love you more than you will ever fully understand.

As we plan the specifics of the ceremony and the reception, we translate our relationship through the traditional wedding ceremony, attire, language, and reception activities but we aren't restricted by traditions. For example, we won't be a Mr. and Mrs, we will be Molly and Heather and you know what, those names have worked for about 34 years so I think we'll be A-Okay. What will we wear? Well we both want to wear beautiful white dresses. Check! Will we have a first dance? Probably not. Why? Because it's aaaaaaaaawkward and neither of us really want all our guests staring at us dancing. Seriously, this has to be one of the weirdest wedding traditions in my opinion. It ranks slightly below the whole going up the dress to find the garter. This is so inappropriate to me. Just in case you're still wondering, this WILL NOT be happening at our reception. Will we dance? Oh hell yes. We can't wait to shake our tail feathers but that will happen with all our other amazing guests!

The list of questions continues about how our wedding and reception will go. It's been fun to plan our wedding, sticking to some traditional wedding activities but putting our own unique twist on things too. One thing I know is our wedding and reception will be AUTHENTIC HEATHER and MOLLY. It will be what we want and how we want to share our day with the people we care about. Stay tuned. We have tricks up our sleeves and you will have a great time. ;-)

Here's to being AUTHENTIC.

Living YOUR LIFE.

BEING YOU and KNOWING THAT IS PERFECT.

LIFE IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL. There are NO RE-DOs.

PRUNE YOURSELF

2011-06-01T18:08:00.000-07:00

According to Wikipedia, pruning is "a horticultural practice involving the selective removal of parts of a plant, such as branches, buds, or roots. Reasons to prune plants include deadwood removal, shaping (by controlling or directing growth), improving or maintaining health, reducing risk from falling branches, preparing nursery specimens for transplanting, and increasing the yield or quality of flowers and fruits." You can take the definition for pruning literally and only apply the verb to plants in a horticulturalish way. I pruned a bush over the holiday weekend. It looked like the bush in the middle of the photo. This is just an example bush because I didn't take a "before" photo of the actual bush. (Notice the pile of pruned branches in front of the example bush.) However, while I was pruning a few of our bushes in the backyard I thought about how I prune in my mind, heart, and life overall. I got all figurative on that bush and it didn't even know. Re-read the reasons for pruning and think about how these reasons apply to your thoughts, relationships, and how you move about your life. The reasons for pruning that most resonated with me were:

REMOVE DEADWOOD
SHAPING (by controlling or directing growth)
IMPROVING or MAINTAINING HEALTH
INCREASING YIELD or QUALITY of FLOWERS AND FRUITS

DEADWOOD: Have you reflected enough on your thoughts and relationships to be able to tell what is "dead" and what is "alive." The dead parts may need some attention to revive or they might need to be cut loose. When pruning plants if you cut away the dead branches the alive branches flourish with the extra vigor.

SHAPING: During the rest of 2011 where are you directing your energy to promote your personal and relationship growth? This must be purposeful. Again, it requires reflection and commitment to action. Who do you want to be and how are you going to get there? Shape your future day by day using your thoughts and your actions. Without purposeful shaping days become weeks and weeks become years and you'll look up and wonder how you arrived to your destination on cruise control. It will happen in a blink of an eye. This is my favorite reason to prune.

IMPROVE/MAINTAIN HEALTH: Pruning contributes to our well-being or our demise. We've all seen a plant that was overtaken by vines or weeds...well this can happen to people too. The vines and weeds on the plant are symbolic of the strangling effect of toxic, self defeatist thoughts or relationships/friendships with energy vampires (click here for a list of the types of energy vampires) on your personal growth and healthy existence.

INCREASE YIELD/QUALITY: Again, it's all about cutting away the negative portions of your thoughts, feelings, and relationships so you can gain more from the positive portions. Why keep pouring your energy into the bad parts when they only produce bad things? If you direct your focus and energy into the positive thoughts, feelings, and relationships you will be able to produce more because you will be more efficient. The corrupt software constantly running in the back of your mind won't continue to take up your thinking and working capacity. You will be able to use all your processor (your mind and heart). Yes, even your heart has a capacity. If it's giving real estate to toxic relationships, these toxic relationships are taking up love that could be given to someone with a positive influence on your well-being. Be careful how you partition your heart. This greatly influences your quality of life.

Notice the "after" photo of the bush that I pruned (left). The "bush" might be difficult to see because I pruned this bush down to bare sticks. (Look at the collection of brown sticks in front of the largest square electricity box). The bush needed it. I don't think it had been pruned for years. While it doesn't look that great right now, it will grow back even stronger. As it grows I will be able to shape it into a beautiful bush that will hide the hideous electricity box. I helped this bush maintain it's health and it will produce a bounty of leaves and branches. I'm excited to see this bush come back to life.

Since it's the beginning of Summer, take a moment to think about your life, thoughts, and feelings. Do you need to do a little purposeful pruning? Remember what you choose to leave is just as important as what you choose to prune. Happy pruning everyone...here's to you shaping your growth.

MEMORIAL DAY 2011 AMERICANA-STYLE

2011-05-30T16:55:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day weekend is one of my favorite weekends of the year for many reasons. It's a 3 day weekend. Three cheers for an extra day off. It feels like the official kick-off to summer no matter what the weather is like. However, it always helps when you get at least one day of perfect sunshine. You see multiple cars parked along the road at your neighbors' homes. People flying their American flags. In almost stereo surround sound you hear kids playing on every inch of the backyard and adults chatting with friends and family, beer, a few tunes, and the grill. My mind races with all the yard projects I can't wait for us to conquer and I must visit Home Depot, Lowe's or Menards. It's guaranteed.

This Memorial Day we hosted a bbq for the Oak Park Boyz and their dog McDuff and Natty Light and her puppy Lilly. Jaws was supposed to attend the bbq too but it turns out swimmers have a tough time running on wet pavement. She took a nasty fall and was unable to attend the festivities. We hope she has a speedy recovery.

We were prepared for a major corn hole tournament but the weather didn't cooperate so we had the standard family chit chat in the kitchen. Isn't that where all chatting occurs? Then when the weather somewhat cleared up we did the walk around the yard to discuss the status of all the plants and trees...you know which plants could be split, what's the next move for said plant, the health of the trees and potential pruning, and what could be landscaped next. Does this plant walk only happen in my family?

Then Molly fired up the grill and we had some chipotle chicken strips and flavored chicken and turkey burgers from Whole Foods. I know. You're probably asking, "why did you get chicken and turkey burgers?" It wasn't on purpose. We got so caught up in the flavors "Blue Cheese Buffalo Chicken burgers and Sante Fe Turkey burgers." See, don't those sound yummy? Well we never quite got to the end of the descriptions because they looked like burgers so they must be burgers, right? It didn't matter. They were fantastic! Chad and Brian brought a potato, sausage, and cheese caserole from my stepmom's recipe. Delicious! I microwaved some green beans and baked some Texas Roadhouse rolls...yes, I am a Master Culinary Artist. Wash all that down with an assortment of tasty craft beers courtesy of Brian and Natty Light and you have our Memorial Day get together.

Of course no holiday celebration is complete without some fun decorations from the Dollar Tree. So we bought some little USA flags, a patriotic basket for the rolls, a few patriotic lanterns, fake red, white, and blue flowers, and many boxes of sparklers to end the night. I really am quite addicted to the Dollar Tree when it comes to finding fun little decorations, party supplies, toys, and knick knacks. Check it out sometime...and no I wasn't paid for this positive review ;-) You'll notice many of these decorations in the photo to the left. Note: Sammy was not a planned participant in this photo. :)

After the bbq, we played a few board games at the dining room table. Yes Isaid BOARD-GAMES and DINING-ROOM-TABLE. We went totallyanalog. It was great. Laughter, flipping cards, and keeping score with pencils. After a few rowdy games we noticed the weather had cleared. We

ventured out to the fire pit, turned on the tunes, and shared a fireside chat and sparklers. The perfect ending to a perfect evening.

This Memorial Day we participated in many of the traditional Memorial Day weekend activities. It felt good...like we were livin' the American Dream. To be honest, I don't really know what the American Dream is anymore. I can playback the nostalgic American Dream people often refer to as the good ole' days, a fantasized, repackaged memory of the 1950's. The 2011 American Dream seems to be try to pay your bills/mortgage and hold on to your house.

What I do know, whether it's the American Dream or not, is I enjoyed spending time with my friends and family. BBQs, games, and music is enjoyable and a 3-day weekend is always better than a 2-day weekend. I hope you enjoyed your Memorial Day weekend and if you didn't at least your upcoming work week is only 4 days. :-)

I leave you with a few pics of Rosa and Sammy celebrating Memorial Day. Truth is, they are just patiently waiting for the treat I hold above the camera to get them to pose in these ridiculous photos.

HAPPY 3RD BLOGIVERSARY TO ME!

2011-05-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

Today is my 3rd Blogiversary. I started this blog three years ago on May 26th, 2008 and during this time I've posted 324 blogs.This is an average of 9 blogs posted per month. My high was 22 blogs posted in a month and my low was zero. I tend to blog more during the warmer months probably because I actually do more when the weather is nice...festivals, house projects, dressing up Rosa, etc. December and February are slacker months probably because the holidays consumer December and February lacks the optimism of January with resolutions and March with it's promise of Spring. Think about it...what really happens in February?

I started writing this blog to show my family and friends things going on in my life since I didn't live close to them. It evolved to a site for sharing just about everything. It's somewhat of a digital journal. There was a definite blog writing lull during the beginning of 2010 when I moved from Minneapolis to the Chicago area. I did less external processing and was focused more inward during this transition period. Now with things settled on the home front and the job in full swing, 2011 has been share-a-palooza. Looking at the chart below I am on a blog writing tear in 2011, averaging nearly 15 blogs per month.

Looking forward to continuing the blog. Peoples' feedback makes it really enjoyable. Also, the blogs of a couple of my friends motivate me: New Nesting and That's My Best.

I LOVE SUMMER IN CHICAGO

2011-05-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

Today I participated in a scavenger hunt around downtown Chicago. This wasn't your typical scavenger hunt...in this scavenger hunt there were no clues. We received points for taking pictures with various things and at various places. This scavenger hunt made me fall in love with Chicago all over again. Today reminded me of all the little nooks and crannies that I enjoy stumbling upon in big cities. Sure the popular tourist places are fantastic and worth visiting but I enjoy the places less travelled. When I was younger Chicago felt as big as New York. It felt HUGE and I felt so small. Now Chicago feels smaller and manageable but still full of surprises. It's a great mix.
Running around downtown Chicago in the beautiful sunshine today instead of working behind my desk, I enjoyed that playing hookie feeling. (Note: The hookie feeling was work and boss sanctioned :) I wonder if we ever get tired of that rush of playing hookie. As I saw Lake Michigan crashing against Lake Shore drive, my reflection in "the bean," tents being set up in Millenium Park for festivals, a lunchtime concert, Buckingham Fountain, and Navy Pier I GOT EXCITED! Then I got home and saw the new issue of Time Out Chicago was focused on things to do this summer and I GOT SUPER EXCITED! There are SO MANY FUN things to do in Chicago from festivals to concerts to just lounging in one of the many beautiful parks or along the beach with a book. In case you're in the suburbs or live in Chicago and forget all the wonder that is going on around you every weekend, here are links to fun things to do in Chicago this summer (2011):

Chicago Festivals

Chicago Concerts

Chicago's Official Tourism Site

GO CHICAGO CARD- See top Chicago attractions for one price

I still look at June, July, and August as the FUN MONTHS like I did when I was a kid. These summer months are full of so much potential. I think about all the things we could do this summer and I GET SO EXCITED. Now I know we won't get to all my ideas but it's just knowing there are so many possibilities that makes me so giddy. Yes, I realize I'm not a teacher and I don't get my summer off work but I do get half-day Fridays and there are a few long weekends like Memorial Day, the Fourth, and Labor Day that I can count on. The reality is I have 12 summer weekends and most of these are spoken for. Two of my friends are getting married, my boss from Notre Dame is being inducted into the basketball hall of fame, the Taste of Chicago the last week of June, the 4th will be spent with family, seeing U2 in the front row @ Soldeir Field, and we're taking my dad to a Cubs/Cards game at Wrigley field. Labor Day weekend I'm getting married and that will just about wrap up the summer. So many exciting events and those are just the planned ones! Who knows what will happen during the other weekends. The point of all this is there are so many possibilities and only so many weekends.

I didn't get this concept when I was a kid and had summers off. Summer seemed to last forever. Now summer weekends are premium, sacred time. I like to plan some and leave some open to allow spontaneity to happen. Really? Has it come to this? We need to protect time for spontaneity? Yes, my friend. It's called being a grown-up I guess. I want to be careful using that word "grown-up" because this word always meant BORING and NO FUN. Maybe planning your time is more mature and respectful of others' time. Yes. I think that sounds appropriate. :-)

Here's to the start of

Summer 2011.

Live it up people.

Take advantage of the warm sun and time with friends and family.

THE "OTHERS," YEAH YOU'RE ONE OF THEM

2011-05-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

MooMoo ran across a couple books of a faculty member from the University of Houston named Brene Brown. She studies empathy, shame, and vulnerability. She has "dedicated her career to understanding how we develop meaningful connections in our lives and how we can become more resilient to the emotions and experiences that are barriers to healthy, loving relationships." Since reading a few of her blog posts at http://www.ordinarycourage.com/ I became more interested in her body of research.

In Brown's book, "I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power," I find myself relating to many of her stories and examples.

Here's an excerpt from the book (p.145-146):

Insulating

"In a culture of shame, we are constantly overwhelmed with feelings of fear, blame and disconnection. This creates an "us and them" world. There are people like us, and then there are "those other people." And, we normally work very hard to insulate ourselves from "those people." As children, there were those people that we were allowed to hang out with and then there were the other kids. There were the people we were allowed to date then there were the other kids. There were the schools we went to and there were other schools for the other kids. As adults, we live in the neighborhood where our kind live-- the other neighborhoods are for the other folks. We emotionally and physically insulate ourselves from "the other." It never seems to end. We've developed language to desribe the others--sometimes we refer to them as "those people" or even more mysterious "people like that."

I seldom use the word truth, because it's a strong word with a lot of promises behind it. But in this instance, I'm going to use it because, out of all the things I've learned in the past decade, the one concept that I believe has the biggest potential for helping us overcome shame is this:

WE ARE "THOSE PEOPLE."

THE TRUTH IS...WE ARE THE OTHERS.

Most of us are one paycheck, one divorce, one drug-addicted kid, one mental health diagnosis, one serious illness, one sexual assault, one drinking binge, one night of unprotected sex, or one affair away from being "those people"--the ones we don't trust, the ones we pity, the ones we don't let our children play with, the ones bad things happen to, the ones we don't want living next door.

In fact, let me prove my point. If you or one of your family members have NEVER experienced any one of the following issues, you should just skip the remainder of this chapter:

Addiction (alcohol, drug, food, sex, relationships, etc.)

Any mental health diagnosis (depression, anxiety, eating disorders, bipolar, attention-deficit, etc.)

Any stigmatized illness (sexually transmitted diseases, obesity, HIV/Aids, etc.)

Domestic violence

Sexual assault (rape, marital rape, date rape, etc.)

Child abuse (physical, sexual, incest, neglect, emotional, etc.)

Suicide

Violent death

Criminal activity or incarceration

Serious debt or bankruptcy

Abortion

Nonmainstream religious beliefs

Poverty (including class issues)

Low educational attainment (lacking basic literary skills, dropout, etc.)

Divorce

Ok, statistically, everyone should still be reading. This is the list of "otherness," and like it or not, we are on the list--some of us multiple times. You may read this list and think, "She's got to be kidding. Just because I'm divorced doesn't mean people think of me like they think of someone who's gone to jail or someone who's on drugs?" Not true. For some people, divorcing may be worse than drug addictions. In fact, I interviewed a woman in her early sixties who told me that she often felt ashamed of her kids. Specifically, the most shame she felt was about her daughter. Her son-in-law caught the daughter having an affair and divorced her. This same woman had a son who spent several months in jail after getting his second DUI at college. She compared the two by saying, "Boys will be boys. I can live with that. But, having a trashy daughter is something I'll never get over."

The point of this list is not to rank or compare the issues. As I've mentioned before, I don't think that gets us anywhere. It's about understanding that we are all vulnerabe to being judged and feeling shame about our experiences. And equally important, we are all vulnerable to judging and shaming others about their experiences."

Interesting passage, huh? The thing is...I think Brene was being nice. I think her list of things we judge people for was written in neutral, politically correct academic jargon. She has to. I get that. The real, everyday language to describe many of the most common reasons for judging people would read as follows:

Dumb people

Smart people

Bible Beater

Sinner/immoral

Different hair texture

Lighter/Darker skin color

Mixed people

Rich people

Poor people

Gay people

Straight people

Country people

Suburban people

City people

Fat people

Skinny people

Young people

Old people

See how the list goes on and on. You're a part of one of these groups. You might think you are safe as a perceived majority but in the end you are an "other" to people and easily judged. So just give it a little thought. Embrace differences and the strength that we gain from diversity in all facets of our lives.

Recognize when you are distancing yourself or insulating yourself from others by deeming the "groups" that you belong to as "better" than the groups that others belong to. What advantage or benefit, if any, is this providing you? Trust me, I'm not exempt from this othering language. No one is.

Listen for "those other people" language. You'll be surprised how fast it enters conversation. When someone uses "other" language I often ask myself what the speaker is trying to prove or communicate. It turns out I have little interest in people who use "othering" language to make themselves seem rich or important.

I assume if you need to use "better than you" language you're one or all of the following: 1)An ego-maniac, 2)Lacking self-confidence and/or 3) Suffering from an "ist"- racist/gaycist/classist/sexist, etc.

Embrace all the others in your daily lives and have a good week everyone!

Challenge Update- End of 19 weeks

2011-05-14T11:49:00.000-07:00

153.5

Sorry for slacking on the updating. I was recently sick so I wasn't doing a whole of anything. Which turned out to really help me on this weight loss challenge! However, I have to say having a serious sinus infection is not worth the 2 pounds lost. I was a snotty, head-felt-swollen mess. Glad the antibiotics worked and now I am back to my old self.

The good news is summer is here. The weather has been in the 80's and the sun has been shining which makes me much more active. Three cheers for summer. I think by the end of June I will be back near 150 pounds. Wahoo!!!!! This challenge started as a 6 month challenge, meaning it would be over at the end of June but let's be real weight is a life long challenge and I'm just breaking it down into 6 month chunks. You all will be spared the weekly reports but I think I will still track my weight. It's interesting to see what life events (or lack of exercise and will power around food) might trigger weight gain (or loss).

The good news this chart shares is that in February I was around 160 pounds and now I am around 153 pounds. Awesome what a difference 7 pounds can make!